Archive for March, 2017

There’s no softball questions from our hardball reporters!

The editorial board of The Lint Screen has compiled a list of probing questions for Supreme Court Justice nominee Judge Neil Gorsuch and submitted it to the grand inquisitors in Washington.

Let’s see if the puppet politicians have enough backbone to ask the important questions that matter to all Americans!

1. “Gorsuch”–– that’s an awfully funny name. Are you related to Al Gore?
2. Bob Marley confessed that he shot the sheriff, but claimed he did not shoot the deputy. Do you believe he was telling the truth?
3. What color are your eyes? And, no look-sees in mirrors, please.
4. Was Diana Ross technically a Supreme, or, in your opinion, was she an entity separate and above The Supremes? Follow up question–– do you honestly believe one cannot hurry love?
5. I’m thinking of a common kitchen appliance, what is it?
6. If two trains leave Chicago, one going east at forty miles an hour and the other going south at the speed of light, do you know where I put my dry cleaner claim ticket from Monday?
7. Do you look good in black? How might you accessorize your robe?
8. Do you think it’s Constitutionally right that contestants on Jeopardy must answer in the form of a question?
9. How will you avoid being too judgemental in your job?

And, scene!

Cemetaries are hotbeds of protest against the denial of their voices being heard.

The dead are not lying down on their rights as Americans!

After the 2016 election fraud, politicians are vowing to clamp down on voter fraud that they say cheated President Trump out of millions of votes. One of the key claims is that dead people are enrolled as registered voters.

“Of course they are,” said Atty. Michael Fitslicka, representing the Concerned Dead Peoples Association (CDPA). “They paid taxes in life and paid the ultimate taxes in death, so by gumbo, they’ve earned the right to vote in perpetuity. If politicians want their votes, they’re going to have to earn them.”

The CDPA has millions of members. “They’re not all that active, but they are going to be heard on election days,” Atty. Fitslicka told The Lint Screen. “If politicians are serious about earning CDPA votes, I suggest they talk about critical issues like better deathcare and stop building walls and fences around cemeteries to keep them out. They will get to the polls, and they will be heard, of that, you can be sure. Look, they may be dead, but they’re still Americans, by Jiminy!”

Major celebration in headquarters of The Lint Screen

The rock-em, sock-em game of journalism is not for wussies. Now that any numbskull with a smartphone is a media company, the stakes have never been higher for eyeballs.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos bought a vanity press called The Washington Post and that news organization recently announced its bold new slogan, “Democracy Dies in Darkness”.

The New York Times recently broke a campaign with the theme “The Truth Is More Important Now Than Ever.”

With two of the big fish unveiling new campaigns, an anxious world turned to see how The Lint Screen would respond. Would this august and respected online scoop factory flinch, or would it rise with inky fists balled and ready to rumble?

Silly goose–– did you really have to ask?

Today, we proudly announce our new slogan:
“The Lint Screen. Where fake news gets real.”

Check and mate.