The new Chief of Staff listens attentively as the skipper speaks about Charlottesville.

Using a new innovative technology, The Lint Screen has developed a device with the ability to read the minds of mortals.

We hacked the skull of General Kelly, the newly-appointed White House Chief of Staff, as he listened to President Trump’s comments on Charlottesville Tuesday. Here is a brief sampling of his thoughts:

“No… no… don’t say that… no… NO!!!…
Good God, what are you doing???
Please, please, please, for once in your life, shut your pie hole!!!


Do you have any idea what you’re talking about???
Stop, please, stop now, I beg of you…

I blame myself, what kind of an idiot knowingly steps on a land mine? Hell, does a tap dance on a land mine! What was I thinking accepting this position?

Breathe, John. Breathe! Relax. He has to shut up soon…
No. Nope. No such luck. The man is incapable of silence. Unbelievable.

War–– I need a war to fight to take my mind off this insanity.
A good war would be so nice. War is predictable, rational. War makes sense. I wish I was in a nice war instead of here…

No, no, no, what the hell are you doing???!!!!!!” Stop!

And, scene.