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Arizona Considers Teaching Arithmetic
The state of Arizona is seriously considering passing a law that would teach its citizens “the mysteries of arithmetic” according to state officials. The state is still counting votes in elections that took place almost two weeks ago. “It’s pretty embarrassing,” said Randy Fomsert, a Maricopa County resident, “I mean, even Florida was able to…
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Elections Over, America Copes
With the 2012 elections finally over, the United States of America rebuilds its psyche. After being pummeled by billions of dollars spent in negative advertising, and endless hours of pundits punditizing endlessly, and millions of promises for happier days ahead if (INSERT CANDIDATE NAME HERE) is elected, a wounded nation now gathers its wits and…
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Low Information Voter Interviewed
Recently, Yancy Turmunder, an assistant manager of Best Buy and a self-described “undecided” (low information) voter sat down to be interviewed about voting in the upcoming election. “Where do I go to vote and what do I do?’ he asked with his head cocked. When told his local voting location, his eyes glazed over. “Is…
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Ohio Secedes From The Union
After being pummeled with non-stop political ads for months on end, pestered by pollsters and pundits, and being yammered at by candidates from both political parties, Ohio is calling off the jams. The Buckeye State has formally declared that it is no longer one of these United States of America. It is now officially a…