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Monkey Terror Alert
Some people claim I have a weird obsessive vendetta against monkeys and chimps, as if I felt inferior to these hairy beasts because they can climb trees and fling poo better than I can (sure, they might have me on accuracy, but I think I can take them on distance). Look, I’ve…
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My Bad: An Apology
Upon further review of my last few entries where I unfairly said completely asinine and unfounded things about chimpanzees, I wish to apologize to all of humanity and especially the cherished primate community. Chimps are great and noble and deserve praise for everything they do. They are our friends and should…
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Their Dirty Little Secret (Pt. 2)
Doing a little investigative journalistic work, I think I’ve blown the lid off this whole Wall Street meltdown… and it ain’t pretty. Think about it: Wall Street lobbyists grease the palms of politicians who pass laws deregulating the banking industry so they can sell sub-prime loans to any jamoke with…
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Are We Making A $700 Billion Mistake? (Pt. 1)
I don’t know about you, but I’m worried sick. This financial market meltdown is giving me the willies, and now I think I see the devious greedy paws of chimps on the taxpayer’s checkbook. Get a load of this: while Bernanke and Paulson are begging politicians for a big fat Wall…
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9 Reasons To Never Invite A Monkey To Dinner
1. Monkeys smell like monkeys. 2 Monkeys rarely put napkins in their laps and never know the proper fork to use. 3. Monkeys are picky eaters (especially when it comes to noodle casseroles). 4. Ask a monkey to pass you something, nine times out of ten he’ll fling it at your head. 5.…