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Move Over, MacGyver (Pt 10)
With a clever design and advanced engineering that borders on magic, the incredible Sock Putter-Onner (my name) is perhaps the greatest invention of all time (makes sliced bread look like crap– try getting a sock on with a slice of bread, it can’t be done!).
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Rolling to Freedom (Pt. 9)
I am now stealth on wooden floors with my walker– like a Navy Seal in my ability to advance quietly. But when I see the tennis balls, I have ironic flashbacks to my orginal diagnosis of my arthritis… (WAVY LINES, WAVY LINES, SFX: HARP MUSIC)…
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Gut Shots (Pt. 8)
The road to recovery is littered with many things, spent hypodermics for example.
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The Bollinger Effect (Pt. 7)
‘Avoid the Bollinger effect’– what’s that?” “I dunno. Probably some new corporate initiative.” “Yeah, sounds about right.” “Who’s Bollinger?” “Got me. Any idea what the ‘effect’ is?”
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“I Can Walk!” (Pt. 6)
Believe it or not, one day after total hip replacement surgery, physical therapists will come around, get you out of bed, put you behind a walker and make you take some steps all by yourself– just like the big boys and big girls do!
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Serving Time (Pt. 5)
“Whaddya in for?” asks the inmate. “Hip replacement. And you?” “Ain’t none of your bee’s wax,” he says whittling a bar of soap into a hotel-size bar of soap. “Just never you mind,” he says as he rides a goat on a merry-go-round and his head goes Linda Blair in The Exorcist as unicorns dance…