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Bag o’ Fritos Eaten, Out of Race!
Tragedy struck the nonhuman presidential campaign today as the winner of the Iowa primaries, Bag o’ Fritos, was eaten to death. The salty snack was scheduled to give a speech in Akron, Ohio, when a young man rushed the stage, ripped open the candidate’s skin and quickly ate his deliciously addictive innerds. The assasin was…
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LeBron to Pick Ursuline High School
As the world waits on his big decision, The Lint Screen has learned basketball megastar LeBron James will announce his decision tonight to forego the offers from pro teams in favor of Ursuline High School in Youngstown, Ohio. If true, this could shake the entire foundation of civilization as we know it, or certainly, the…