Entries tagged with “Alfred Hitchcock”.


The ink on this horsehide makes it worth millions.

The ink on this horsehide makes it worth millions.

With the World Series underway, The Lint Screen is happy to continue its coverage of the world’s most valuable baseball, a story we broke back in the spring of 2010 (Part #1) (Part #2).

This ball was secured for an undisclosed sum on the internet and features autographs of some of the most impressive people in history. Let’s continue a look at the incredible baseball backstories of some of the signers.

Stevie Wonder played in a 1969 game for the Houston Astros against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Although the famous singer is sightless, he was used as a pinch hitter. The first pitch was a fastball on the outside right corner of the plate that the umpire called a strike. “What are you, blind?” Wonder said with a smile. The next pitch was a curve ball that hung over the plate. Wonder smacked a 500-foot shot over the right center field fence and trotted around the bases to deafening applause. He never played again, except for music. He played lots of music.

One of the most valuable signatures is that of Jonas Salk, the medical researcher who discovered the first polio vaccine. Salk was an enthusiastic Mets fan and was given the opportunity to pitch a game against the St. Louis Cardinals on July, 17, 1966. Salk walked the first 24 batters and was pulled. The distinguished doc was booed by angry fans. The guy sucked.

Janis Joplin had one trip to the plate for the Milwaukee Brewers in a game against the Yankees on May 28, 1970. She was hit by the first pitch, took her base, stole second, advanced to third on a error by the right fielder and scored on a sacrifice fly. “This is a day I’ll never forget,” the famous singer told reporters after the game. “What is it, like Tuesday or something?”

The Boston Red Sox used Desmond Tutu as a designated hitter on August 14, 1989 in a game against the Baltimore Orioles. Tutu struck out twice, was thrown out following a bunt and floated a single into left field. “I may be the best player ever,” he said following the game. “I rock royally, bitches!”

The 80’s pop sensation Wham! played on the Seattle Mariners in a game against the Texas Rangers on September 3, 1984. George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley shared a uniform and pinch hit rocking a grand slam homer over the centerfield fence. The Mariners tried to sign the duo to a multi-year deal but the pop stars declined. “Rockers get more chicks than ball players,” George Michael said.

Other notables who signed the is baseball were legendary center fielder and astronomer Copernicus (a surprisingly good infielder), Cher’s first husband and golden-gloved Irish rocker Bono (who had a pea shooter for an arm), and epic base stealer, director Alfred Hitchcock.

If you’d like to make a bid on this baseball, make an offer.

"Hitch" could be persuasive when he asked actors to dinner.

“Hitch” could be persuasive when he asked actors to dinner.


Alfred Hitchcock once described actors as cattle, which explains why he was arrested for cannibalism so often.

There is an art to casting the perfect actor for your commercial or project. I want to show you the kind of detailed casting specs I give when I’m looking to fill roles.

Samuel Dunkirker, The Doctor:
He is tall and surrounds himself with children furniture to appear even taller. He likes to grab his belly when he laughs, as if he were a giant.

The doctor wears his framed medical degree around his neck, like a medallion.

His bedside manner is calm yet manic. He has a soothing voice and says comforting things like, “Well, I don’t give you much time to live…” He will then shift gears and shout to the floor, “Damn you disease! Damn you straight to hell!!!” He’ll sob, regain composure and continue speaking in a reassuring voice to the patient, “How about that Jell-O salad on the menu today? Wasn’t that some kind of jiggle-i-cious?”

He has a rash in a secret place.

Celia, The Patient

She is a woman 34, maybe 34-and-a-half. No, scratch that. She’s 34, no more, no less. 34 exactly. In fact, today’s her birthday. That’s right, her birthday!

She has birthday cake icing on her lips and nose.

She walks left foot in front of right in a manner that results in forward locomotion. It’s quite remarkable, really, how she does this.

Celia is in love with Paul but he doesn’t know it. How would he? Paul is such a selfish egotistical bastard, it’s amazing he notices anything. I swear, he’s so high and mighty we all hope that one day he’ll dismount that high horse and get to know us– and especially get to know Celia and how much she loves him!

Celia has blue eyes, the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen.

Paul, the invisible intern

Paul is pretty high on himself, he’s also left-handed. Oh, and he’s invisible so we’ll need a special kind of actor to pull this role off…

Yancy, the pirate

He’s got an eyepatch, pegleg and parrot on his shoulder. He’s a real fish out of water in Memorial Hope & Cheery Redemption Hospital.

Unlike most pirates, Yancy mumbles. Weird, no one can appreciate his pirate-speak.

Yancy loves Celia for her blue eyes and her 2012 Toyota Camry. Yancy prefers even numbers to odd, this should be telegraphed and apparent in his performance.