Arizona considers learning how to count. A nation watches anxiously.

The state of Arizona is seriously considering passing a law that would teach its citizens “the mysteries of arithmetic” according to state officials.

The state is still counting votes in elections that took place almost two weeks ago. “It’s pretty embarrassing,” said Randy Fomsert, a Maricopa County resident, “I mean, even Florida was able to count its votes by now.”

“I guess we’ve never put much stock in cyphering and such numeric mumbo jumbo magic,” said a state official who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being deported. “But a person only has so many toes and fingers to count on before you run plum out of digits.”

Another Arizona politician who wished to remain anonymous had a differing point of view. “The problem isn’t not knowing how to count, the problem is all these damn elections. Democracy is what’s hurting us in Arizona, that’s the problem pure and simple!”