The Supreme Court’s “Citizens United” ruling treated corporations, unions and nonprofits as humans, giving them political voice through the formation of Super PACS to spend money on political advertising. A flood of Super PAC money is about to wash into the nonhuman presidential campaign, The Lint Screen has learned today in the back corner of a dingy bar reeking of stale beer and aged vomit.
“Cylde and Rebecca Hundsinger, the billionaire ultra conservative couple who own ALLIED ACME Industries, are reviewing all the nonhuman candidates to determine who they want to back with their Super PAC, ‘Citizens For A Decent, Celibate And Righteously Moral Future’,” said an industry insider in conspiratorial whispers. “They are sitting on a ton of cash and they have deep pockets to make anyone win.”
The industry insider excused himself to go to the bathroom and The Lint Screen reporter upheld the high journalistic tradition of slipping out the front door before the bar bill arrived.