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BP Says Millions Spent Is Plugging Image Hole
Officials at BP today reported they are achieving excellent results from the over $100 million it has spent on advocacy ads to blunt its negative image following the Deepwater Horizon explosion and oil spill. “We’re quite pleased with the results our corporate ads have had,” said Tim Jourdinky, Minister of Corporate Propaganda. “After our little…
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Hayward: Headhunter Catnip
Now that BP has officially decided to dump CEO Tony Hayward almost 100 days following the Deepwater Horizon catastrophic oil spill, the British executive is updating his resume and preparing to attack the job market. “I reckon the world will be my oyster,” said a confident Hayward sipping champagne from a 24-Karat solid gold jewel-encrusted…
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BP Claims To Be “The Best!!!”
Now that it looks like the BP Deepwater Horizon leak may finally be capped after 85 days, BP executives are crowing about their brilliance. “We’re number one!” bragged one executive proudly as he wagged his index finger into this reporter’s face. “We kicked this leak’s butt from here to kingdom come, and you want to…
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BP Says, “Que Sera Sera”
BP is getting tired of being the scapegoat for the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that is still dumping millions of gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico, and the company is now taking a more Zen approach to its public relations. “Look, we’ve tried the old ‘apologetic, contrition, guilt’ and ‘we’re here for…
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BP Blames Terrorist Robots
BP today issued a formal statement charging “evil terrorist robots” for the failure to cap its Deepwater Horizon calamity. “BP is not to blame for this catastrophic oil spill,” the statement begins, “rather, we place the blame squarely on technology, specifically the robots who are supposed to fix the mess. We have repeatedly asked them…