Not exactly what people had been expecting from Steve Jobs.

With the announcement by Steve Jobs of Apple’s new tablet device just minutes away, The Lint Screen has learned the gizmo will have a definite retro feel.

“The designers at Apple were getting tired of the sleek, modern look for devices,” said a Cupertino insider, “so they went for something a bit more classic. The tablet is made of stone and weighs 42 pounds.”

The device will come complete with a hammer and chisel. “From a technological standpoint, it’s pretty radical. It doesn’t even require a power source or software.”

Soon we’ll see if this rumor is true, and also the rumor that Steve Jobs will be wearing a blue knit shirt and black jeans.

Be still our collective breath!