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Punxsutawney Phil Refuses to Show
Tomorrow is Groundhog Day, and the guest of honor has said he won’t show. Punxsutawney Phil, the famous groundhog who the world watches every February 2nd, has issued a press release stating he won’t cast a shadow (or not) tomorrow morning. “Look, I’m not an idiot,” the marmot’s release states, “I’ve read about all these…
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“Snowden Must Go!” Says Russian Shop Owner
National Security Agency leaker Edward Snowden is a man without a country, and a man without many fans at the Moscow Airport he has been holed-up in for weeks now. “The guy’s a bum,” said Aleksey Tangomir who operates a newsstand at the airport. “Every day he comes by here stinking like a dead sewer…