Entries tagged with “Facebook”.

Tears of regret and remorse beg for mercy and forgiveness.

Tears of regret and bitter remorse from Pam Dockwinker beg for mercy and forgiveness.

Pam Dockwinker is being shunned by humanity following her confession that she recently issued a “Like” on Facebook when it wasn’t true. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” the distraught 22-year old resident of Madison, Wisconsin said. “I have got to be like the worst human being ever.”

Yesterday Ms. Dockwinker saw a picture posted by her friend Mandy Stewbimb of a cute black kitten playing with a tennis ball. “I saw that the picture had 126 ‘Likes’,” admitted Ms. Dockwinker, “so I joined the crowd and went ahead and hit the ‘Like’ button.”

But in fact, Ms. Dockwinker did not like the photo. “I’m really afraid of cats,” she told The Lint Screen. “I’m very allergic to all cats, even kittens, and the picture, while very cute, kind of creeped me out.”

In the interest of maintaining the integrity of Facebook, The Lint Screen pressured Ms. Dockwinker to confess her lie, which she did in an FB post. Now she awaits the judgment of her 893 Facebook friends.

“I hope I can survive this,” Ms. Dockwinker sobbed. “I honestly couldn’t feel worse. I’m so ashamed I am physically sick and really totally mental about my deception. And I sincerely hope I don’t lose any of my 893 close Facebook friends because of my dishonesty.”

Time will tell who is a friend of Pam Dockwinker and who actually “likes” a dirty rotten liar!

He made us a playground but the bullies are taking over.

Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook is soon expected to have one billion members. But I think I see the problem with the whole social network thing. It’s people.

The power of social networking is connecting with people. It’s a wonderful way to share your life with others and re-kindle relationships. The problem is that some people also believe the social network is a political tool to broadcast their points of view and beliefs.

Facebook is like a playground where we children play, but more and more I’m seeing political bullies on the playground. Or religious bullies. Or any kind of bully who wants to broadcast their belief system to everyone who is their “friend.”

This will ultimately wear people down. People won’t go to the playground as often. In the next couple months leading up to the election, Facebook will be an intolerable place to be. Expect gang warfare.

What hath Zuckerberg wrought? Can I get a “like” here, people?

The media has won its war on pushing the narrative that social media was responsible for the toppling of the 30 year rule of Hosni Mubarak in Egypt.

“It was a long, tough battle,” said an anonymous source with a large news organization, “but we think we were finally able to sell this idea of the power of Facebook to the public. Even though less than 20% of Egypt has internet access, we’ve been able to promote the incredible power of social media. This is very important to new organizations like ours because more and more we want to rely on the public for our news-gathering, reporting and opinion pieces. Crowdsourcing is simply a much more affordable way for us to run our news operations. We’re using a lot more social commentary for our content for one simple reason: Joe six-pack and Jane goatskin-of-Boone’s-Farm-wine work a lot cheaper than expensive liberal arts-educated journalists with their fancy cargo pants and no-iron shirts.”

While the news organization official admits that poverty, oppression and high unemployment were factors in the Egyptian revolution, those age-old societal problems did not fit with the ‘21st century social media-as-the-new-power‘ narrative being promoted by major news outlets.

“Look– hunger, poverty, oppressive government and hopelessness are timeless sparks to incite revolution. They’re like the greatest hits of revolt in history, but there’s no news angle there. We needed some pazazz! Now, you add in the influence of Facebook, and well, sir, you’ve got yourself a bonfire of news appeal because everyone’s on Facebook and they want to feel good about the fact they spend countless hours every day posting pictures of kittens or kids or love poems to their morning coffee. Hey, we all want to believe that the same tool that helps us share cute moments of life can be used to “LIKE” a revolution and topple a corrupt leader! That’s the power of the social network and a successful news narrative that drives down operating costs. “

Jay's in a vulnerable place; emotionally combustible even!

Comedian and NBC Tonight Show host Jay Leno is tired of being played for the heavy.

Following Howard Stern’s recent admission to chat show host Piers Morgan that he did not like Leno “personally or professionally,” Jay began to cry like a child who is saddened by harsh criticism from Howard Stern.

“You’ve got to understand this about Jay Leno,” said a spokesman for the star, “he is a mega-talent who wants unconditional love from everyone. If he stabbed you in the back, he still wants you to love him for being a stepping stone for his ego and admit that you’ve been stabbed by the absolute best ever.”

To combat his negative perceptions, Leno plans to become “friends” with many of his adversaries. The spokesman reports that Leno has joined a new website on the internet called Facebook that allows people to openly pledge their friendships by requesting to “friend” one another. Leno has sent friend requests to Howard Stern, Conan O’Brien and David Letterman.

“Jay is confident that he can weasel his way back into the public’s heart by becoming friendly with his so-called enemies. It’s brilliant, really, when you think about it. But, you can’t expect anything less from a superstar like Jay Leno!”

When kooky ol’ North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced that his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, would succeed him as leader, many asked, “Huh, what’s up with that?”

Get to know me, dudes!

Well, for the curious, here are some little know facts about the next leader of Commie Korea.

• He prefers radishes to celery and Captain Morgan’s to both
• Nickname: ‘Son of Looney Tunes’
• Favorite band: Jefferson Starship
• When he was a baby, often wet himself
• Favorite number: 666
• Adores romance novels with Vikings and mermaids
• Dude loves his beer pong and rules at Atari Pong, too!
• He’s Korean
• Follows Ashton K’s tweets religiously
• Hopes to some day appear on Dancing With The Stars in a sheer satin gown
• Has two friends on Facebook, his father is one of them
• Digs thongs
• Likes dragons better than unicorns, neither as much as solid gold bricks
• Wants to grow a John Waters ‘stache some day
• Is seriously considering changing name to Kim Jong-Awesome!

    I had Tweeted, e-mailed, Facebooked, blogged, vlogged, My Spaced, Google Grouped, You Tubed, Second Lifed, wikied, podcasted, Plaxoed, LinkedIn, every form of social networking– I even went old school Alex G. Bell on a handset, but none of it was working.

    Then I did something truly incredible: I arranged a ‘face-to-face meeting.’ 

I've invented the future of communications. Deal with it!

I've invented the future of communications. Deal with it!

    It was completely weird yet wonderful. We met in ALL 3-dimensions at once. We talked, questioned, commented, discussed and even laughed (without typing LOL). We came to agreements and action plans. We came to a better understanding than ever before.

    We began building something called “a relationship”… one based in something called ‘the real world.’

    I think I’ve discovered a new mode of communications. Something beyond 3G or even web 3.0.

    I’m going to see if I can get this revolutionary mode of communication patented. Honestly, I think it might be the future!

    Hmm, I’d better tweet about this…