The Lint Screen

Tag: Fritos

  • Fritos Pledges To Nuke Iran

    The winner of the Iowa caucuses in the nonhuman presidential campaign is out to prove he’s no softy when it comes to foreign policy. Bag of Fritos released a statement today promising to “blow Iran to hell and back with nuclear bombs” if it is elected president. “My diplomacy is do as I say or…

  • Gigundo Upset In Iowa!

    In the nonhuman Iowa presidential caucuses held yesterday, pundits had it down to the wire with a three horse race, none of which were horses. IBM’s Watson computer, precious puppy, Santy Paws, and lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles were the contenders– but all were shocked in a huge upset of write-in candidate, Fritos. “Today, Iowans sent…

  • McChrystal Clear

    “I don’t really like coconut, and anyone who does should be shot.” “Afghanistan will never be a popular tourist attraction. There’s too many bullets in the air.” “Coke versus Pepsi? No contest– Coke! Obama probably likes Pepsi!” “Obama would never have the guts to fire me. He’s afraid of me– Biden, too.”