Tag: Goldman Sachs

  • Analysts Blame Elvis Costello For Apple Stock Dip

    Yesterday, Apple’s leader Tim Cook headed a special news conference where the rock musician Elvis Costello performed. Today, Apple stock is getting hammered on Wall Street. “Elvis Costello was a mistake,” said a Goldman Sachs tech analyst. “Cook should have picked someone hip and hot, like I don’t know, maybe Steve Perry from Journey or…

  • Help Save The Bankers!

    As evil self-serving politicians go on a witch hunt against Goldman Sachs and other Wall Street financial types, I’ve become worried. What if the dastardly politicos enact regulations that might curb the free marketeers from earning their paltry hundreds of millions of dollars annually?

  • Political Parties Dissolve, Sponsorship Evolves

    “We can openly allow corporate fascism to rule enabling us to serve our corporate overlords without the hindrance of the so-called people. Sure, we need them for their votes, but that’s about it. After the election, they just get in the way of things. There’s no need for people in a democracy like ours.”