"Trick or treat!" Johnny Depp's an Indian this year.

“Trick or treat!” Johnny Depp’s an Indian this year.

Yes, I subjected myself to The Lone Ranger. Why? I didn’t think it could be as bad as it is. Stupid me.

Weighing in at two-and-a-half hours and a $250 million cost, it’s a mess of a movie. This outing, Johnny Depp gets to dress up like an Indian (he’s done vampire, pirate, Willie Wonka, etc., he’s running out of costume ideas). Depp is Tonto and his side kick is Armie Hammer playing The Lone Ranger.

There’s a story in here about good guys and bad guys and a railroad and lots of horse chases and runaway trains and people running and fighting and riding horses on top of trains and big explosions and well, you get the drift. It’s ACTION ADVENTURE!

And it’s a yawn.

Director Gore Verbinski (he of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise) has extras chewing up scenery as he tries to amp it up to 11, but the movie just kind of lays there. Not even the William Tell Overture can save the day.

That said, it’ll probably be a huge blockbuster with sequels and a major attraction soon to come to Disney properties.

Woe is me.