BP's on top of the world!

Now that it looks like the BP Deepwater Horizon leak may finally be capped after 85 days, BP executives are crowing about their brilliance.

“We’re number one!” bragged one executive proudly as he wagged his index finger into this reporter’s face. “We kicked this leak’s butt from here to kingdom come, and you want to know why? I’ll tell you why, you pathetic ink-monkey– because we’re the best there ever was!”

“You can’t keep BP down,” said another executive, we’re always going to rise to the surface like some viscous liquid. It’s just in our DNA.”

“Now that we’ve fixed that little snafu,” said another BP bigwig, “we can get on to rolling the dice and finding some more bubblin’ crude– oil that is, black gold, Texas tea!”

“I’ll tell you one thing,” said an agitated executive, “I’m sick and tired of the media and politicians making us out to the heavies here. It’s not like we put the oil in the ground. Hell’s bells, all we do is take it out of the ground and put it in people’s tanks. We don’t ask for much in return, just some record profits and a little gratitude. Now get out the way, there’s some Macallan Scotch and Montecristos calling my name!”