Entries tagged with “Hillary Clinton”.

President Hu appears to have a case of heart burn and getting burned!

President Barack Obama is one smooth and shrewd operator.

There was much mystery shrouding the small private dinner Obama held with China’s President Hu Jintao on Tuesday evening. The beltway was abuzz with who was attending and what the purpose was of the dinner held the day before an official state dinner. Now it has been revealed: the private dinner was about relieving a whopping $850 billion debt the United States owes to China!

Anonymous sources report that Tuesday’s private dinner included Hu, Barack and Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, comedian Bobcat Goldthwait, actor Sally Kellerman, magician Doug Henning and Canadian rocker Geddy Lee of Rush. “It was a dream team of celebs and interesting personalities.”

“The menu was fabulous. Tossed green salad with iceberg and romaine lettuces, cherry tomatoes, sliced cukes, walnuts and dried craisins with a thick coat of Kraft French dressing. There were Pepperidge Farm rolls, too! The main course was tender beef tenderloins, green bean casserole topped with fried onions and those small seasoned potatoes. For dessert, pound cake slices loaded with strawberries and Cool Whip! It was an incredible feed, but the best part is what happened after dinner as Geddy Lee started performing a killer acoustic version of Tom Sawyer.”

“Obama coyly turned to Hu and told him what a gas it was to have him over, then he slipped the Chinese leader a bill for $850,000,000,000.00! He told Hu that in America we have a saying– ‘there’s no such thing as a free lunch.’ The President tells Hu that saying holds doubly true for dinner, so Hu owes us $850 billion for his tasty meal. Bam! Hu looked like he was about to die. He was one livid dude. Obama got him but good!”

The Obama ploy will erase a large portion of the U.S. debt to China. Sources say the President next plans to invite Prime Minister Yukio Hatoyama of Japan to dinner.

Someone vigorously denies always leaving the toilet seat up.

Discerning newshounds do not wish to wade through the morass of the 250,000 leaked diplomatic cables posted recently by WikiLeaks, so the staff of The Lint Screen have selected the following choice morsels for your enlightenment and amazement.

1. Russian prime minister, Vladimir Putin is reported to frequently brush his teeth without first flossing. “It is an absolutely outrageous allegation,” says a source close to the Ruskie leader. “Mr. Putin always has minty-fresh breath and almost no tartar or plaque build-up. Obviously his dental hygiene is second to none!”
2. Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki leaves the seat up.
3. Hillary Clinton thinks the best way to persuade Egyptian leaders is by using a stage whisper, winking and making occasional wild bird sounds.
4. The secret handshake of Hamas involves elbows, ear wriggling and yogurt.
5. Russia’s president, Dmitry Medvedev is allegedly afraid of moths and saber-toothed tigers.
6. China isn’t buying “the check’s in the mail” explanation for the payback of U.S. debt. Officials say the government will soon try a new tact: “We’re going to claim that we’ve run out of checks and are waiting for new ones to arrive.”
7. French president Nicolas Sarkozy reportedly is a bad french kisser. “He spits like a camel sucking on a lemon.”
8. The spat between Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the Saudi’s King Abdullah began years ago when the Iranian leader lent the King his CD of Led Zeppelin’s Houses of The Holy and it came back “looking like a cat used it as a scratching post.”
9. Pakistan’s president Asif Ali Zardari rarely eats salads or collects Mardi Gras masks.
10. The Afghan Taliban’s hygiene is not as good as one might think.
11. The U.S. cables were downloaded when an security insider hacked into the top secret government security system by correctly guessing the password “1234.”
12. WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, is a bedwetter, according to angry government security figures.