Tag: IBM’s Watson

  • Nonhuman Candidates Embrace Strip Searches

    The Supreme Court’s recent 5-4 decision allowing law enforcement officers to conduct strip searches for even minor offenses has been greeted with enthusiasm by the entire slate of nonhuman presidential candidates. “I suspect many criminals are naked beneath their clothes. What exactly are they trying to hide?” said IBM brainy computer, Watson. “Let’s find out!”…

  • Undecided Voters Decidedly Undecided

    In recent polling conducted by a leading research firm that proclaims its findings are right “66.153% of the time,” undecided voters were found to be having a difficult time making up their minds on who to vote for in the 2012 nonhuman presidential election. “People we tried to talk with were uncertain whether or not…

  • Ms. Pickles Disavows Super PAC Ads

    Today, lovable monkey presidential candidate, Ms. Pickles, categorically denied the recent wave of negative advertising run by her Super PAC, Citizens For A World Worth Living In. Although the monkey is incapable of human speech, a translator told reporters what Ms. Pickles’ monkey sounds meant. “As far as my recent Super PAC ads state, let…

  • Slab of Granite Wins New Hampshire Primary

    The people of New Hampshire are a stubborn lot, steeped in good old New England practicality and common sense. Staying true to their character, yesterday these hearty individuals refused to follow any parade but one led by a different drummer on a horse of a different color. In a defiantly independent move demonstrating a people…