Entries tagged with “J. Mundy Catwalls”.

Suspected ironic humor killer on loose. Beware!!!

Local and state law enforcement officials have begun a massive manhunt for Willis Hargrain, the 55-year old suspect in the ironic humor death of J. Mundy Catwalls, who escaped from the Anderson jail following his incarceration on July 8.

Hargrain used his razor sharp wit to cut down a policeman in the line of duty. Officer Dwayne Chumpky, age 28, of Belton, South Carolina, was in the process of locking Hargrain into his cell when the convict reportedly asked him, “Could I request turn-down service and a mint on my pillow? Oh, and what’s the number for room service? I think I’d like a surf and turf with a bottle of Chateau de Pricey!”

Eyewitnesses report that Offcer Chumpky immediately doubled over with laughter at the suspected killer’s ironic humor, then proceeded to laugh himself to an untimely death. As the guard laughed, Hargrain stepped over the convulsing body and escaped the jail on foot.

“Today we lost an excellent young law enforcement officer,” Sgt. Jerome G. Willikers told reporters. “Dwayne Chumpky is another casualty in the laugh-filled rampage being inflicted by Willis Hargrain. He must be stopped. Please consider him armed with ironic humor and extremely dangerous.”

An all points bulletin has been issued, but there are no leads. If you witness anything funny, anything at all, don’t laugh. It could kill you.

Alleged ironic humor killer put behind bars awaiting trial.

Willis Hargrain, a 55-year old resident of Anderson, South Carolina, was charged today in the death of his neighbor, J. Mundy Catwalls on July 1.

Hargrain, asked Catwalls, age 58, if it was “Hot enough for ya?” on a sweltering 106-degree day. Catwalls convulsed with laughter, literally laughing himself to death. Local law enforcement immediately began an exhaustive investigation of the incident.

“We believe we have a rock solid case against Mr. Hargrain,” Det. Franklin T. Woolty told reporters. “Our C.S.I. evidence shows that Hargrain had been developing this lethal ironic joke for years in his tool shed. So it was definitely premeditated ironic humor murder. We found scraps of paper with early formulations of the joke like ‘Is the climate suitable for you?’ ‘How about this heat? It really is something, isn’t it?’ and ‘Boy howdy, it’s hot. How hot is it? Hmmm, I wish I had a witty retort, but afraid I don’t…'”

Officials believe Hargrain continued developing the ironic joke until he had perfected it with the terse “Hot enough for ya?” then waited for the ideal time to inflict it on his neighbor. The 106-degree day provided the perfect climate for this ironic humor killer. Obviously, Hargrain is a threat to society at large with this razor wit that can slash a jugular vein and a funny bone.”

Hargrain was taken into custody and has been refused bail.