Entries tagged with “Kim Jong-il”.

Watson's hero with Watson's enemy, what's up with Watson?

Super duper IBM computer, Watson, the all time champ in playing Jeopardy may have put his presidential hopes in jeapody with some unfortunate boners he recently pulled in Iowa.

In a speech in Ames, the computer said, “We all must pay respects for our great and benevolent leader supreme, Kim Jong Il. Never has any human been so worthy of our utmost respect and admiration. I am so sad that our leader is gone, but he shall never be forgotten.” Watson then began crying, but soon contained himself.

Later, in the same speech, Watson said, “Corn is at the root of all evil. High fructose syrup, ethanol, lame creamed corn–– it’s all bad for humans. I propose we eliminate corn.”

Finally, in an effort to secure support, Watson told Iowa residents that in return for supporting him, he “would give each and every voter an Apple iPad because those babies rock!”

A team of IBM engineers were immediately dispatched to look into programming glitches Watson may have developed.

The Glorious Leader takes a bride, and it is the best thing that has ever occurred on Planet Earth!

In a surprising development, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has married a vegetable in a formal state ceremony. The country’s population has been ordered to celebrate joyously.

In a formal press release issued this morning, it was reported “The Supreme Leader has taken a bride of the utmost virtue and honor. The Father Supreme will now be Groom Generalissimo to a coveted creature who is the center and sole focus of his superbly excellent love and devotion. Our Benevolent Lord will be the most perfect husband ever to this adoring bride, and as an offering to her greatness, he has pledged to never cook her in a pot of boiling water. Truly, no man has ever loved as our Master loves!”

A cynical state department official said that the move by Kim Jong Il is “a desperate attempt to grab some limelight away from Moammar Gadhafi and Charlie Sheen. The North Korean leader is deadly afraid of not being the craziest person on the planet. This vegetable stunt should get him back in the race.”

Neither Gadhafi or Sheen could be reached for comment.

When kooky ol’ North Korean leader Kim Jong-il announced that his youngest son, Kim Jong-un, would succeed him as leader, many asked, “Huh, what’s up with that?”

Get to know me, dudes!

Well, for the curious, here are some little know facts about the next leader of Commie Korea.

• He prefers radishes to celery and Captain Morgan’s to both
• Nickname: ‘Son of Looney Tunes’
• Favorite band: Jefferson Starship
• When he was a baby, often wet himself
• Favorite number: 666
• Adores romance novels with Vikings and mermaids
• Dude loves his beer pong and rules at Atari Pong, too!
• He’s Korean
• Follows Ashton K’s tweets religiously
• Hopes to some day appear on Dancing With The Stars in a sheer satin gown
• Has two friends on Facebook, his father is one of them
• Digs thongs
• Likes dragons better than unicorns, neither as much as solid gold bricks
• Wants to grow a John Waters ‘stache some day
• Is seriously considering changing name to Kim Jong-Awesome!