Entries tagged with “LeBron James”.

LeBron accused of acting like "a king"

LeBron accused of acting like “a king”

Speaker of the House John Boehner is keeping his legal team busy. Now he’s suing both President Obama and NBA superstar LeBron James.

In a lawsuit filed earlier today, Boehner claims “LeBron is acting like a King, even pronouncing himself ‘King James’. He seems to think that he can claim whatever domain he likes, moving from Miami to Cleveland and doing whatever he wants. But this is America, and we fought the British to ensure we’d never live under a king’s rule again, or have to eat crumpets or watercress sandwiches with no crusts! I want to bring LeBron James back down to size!”

Later in the day, Boehner also filed lawsuits against a Starbucks barista, a convenience store clerk and a 16-year old kid working a McDonald’s drive through window. The House Speaker said “all of them were acting like kings! They had haughty attitudes like then expected me to drink tea at four in the afternoon and ride in fox hunts wearing tight slacks. They seemed very self important. This has got to stop! This is not the America our forefathers did stuff for.”

He's fed up playing with losers. LeBron wants a ring.

In an exclusive The Lint Screen interview, Miami Heat megastar LeBron James said he wants to play for the Dallas Mavericks next year. The Mavericks beat the Heat on Sunday to become the NBA’s championship team.

“LeBron is a champion,” said James who recently began referring to himself in the third person for dramatic effect, “and LeBron deserves to play for a championship team. LeBron left Cleveland for Miami to be a champion, but that was a failed experiment. LeBron is very disappointed in the crappy performance of his teammates. They disappointed LeBron and his finger feels naked with no championship ring. LeBron liked what he saw of the Mavericks and thinks he can be happy there, so LeBron is open to moving again. If Dallas makes LeBron an incredible offer, LeBron will get an hour TV special and contemplate it, then give his decision. That is how LeBron rolls.”

There were no comments from Mavericks officials, but Miami fans wish him the worst.

The Lint Screen staff gets scooped like Baskin Robbins! Ouch.

The headlines recently blasted the news that free agent LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers (‘King James’ to his mother and friends) had decided to go to the Miami Heat. It was big news, but not quite as big as the news that the esteemed benchmark for journalistic integrity, The Lint Screen, had gotten the story wrong.

We reported that LeBron was not going pro, but was going back to high school— to play at Ursuline High, a Catholic school in Youngstown, Ohio. We had this juicy tidbit on very good authority: an inside source and trusted member of LeBron’s inner circle, someone who personally knew the cousin of a guy who has a brother-in-law who knows a guy who lives next door to the apartment of the guy who delivers pizzas to LeBron’s house when the big man’s having parties. As sources go, this ironclad source was platinum.

Alas, it was not and the entire staff of The Lint Screen apologizes to anyone who may have been hurt by our inaccurate reporting, especially those who had bet big in Vegas on Ursuline going unbeaten in its 2010-2011 season. Sorry, we won’t let boners like this ever happen again! But we did just hear LeBron may be starting QB for the Dolphins. More on this later, if it pans out…

LeBron to lift spirits of new fans!

As the world waits on his big decision, The Lint Screen has learned basketball megastar LeBron James will announce his decision tonight to forego the offers from pro teams in favor of Ursuline High School in Youngstown, Ohio.

If true, this could shake the entire foundation of civilization as we know it, or certainly, the progression of athletes through school systems to professional franchises.

“LeBron knows he can play absolutely anywhere,” said the unnamed source close to him, “but his favorite time playing ball was with St. Vincent–St. Mary High School in Akron. He wants to go back to go forward again. And Ursuline High came through with a package that is going to be hard for anyone else to beat. I mean, it’s sugar-with-honey-and-artificial-sweetener good! Yamma yamma zowee!”

Officials at Ursuline did not return phone calls, so this rumor must be true. Tune in to ESPN tonight and let’s find out! Soon, Ursuline fans may be riding higher than LeBron.