West Middlesex, PA will be ready for trouble.

West Middlesex, PA will be ready for trouble.

West Middlesex, Pennsylvania had a population of 929 in the last census, but this small community on the PA-Ohio border is making a big mark on the map as the first town to get an arsenal of nuclear warheads.

“We need the firepower,” said a local police officer who asked to remain anonymous (hint: his initials are R.F. and he drives a blue 2006 Mailbu). He placed his right hand over his eyes and continued talking as he hit his atom’s apple with his left hand to disguise his voice.

“You never know what’s going to happen. Criminal elements could kick up some big trouble, or we could get an invasion from the buckeye state. You don’t know what those kooks over there are going to do once the Ohio State football season starts.”

The undisclosed location of the nuclear warheads silo is part of The Pentagon’s Excess Property Program that has supplied police departments across the U.S. with more than $4.3 billion in military gear since 1997.

“Police departments getting war equipment is great,” said the unnamed officer. “It’s like the Boy Scouts say, ‘be prepared’–– but I’ll just bet those scouts would like a flamethrower or tank to back up those words.”