Entries tagged with “mother nature”.


BP's oil spill, coming soon to a beach near you!

BP is getting tired of being the scapegoat for the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that is still dumping millions of gallons of crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico, and the company is now taking a more Zen approach to its public relations.

“Look, we’ve tried the old ‘apologetic, contrition, guilt’ and ‘we’re here for you’ approach,” said a company insider who demanded anonymity, “but we’re still taking it on the chin, public relations-wise. So now we’re just asking people to take a chill pill and relax. I mean, come on, Doris Day said it best– que sera sera. Which means, ‘whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que sera sera.’ There’s a ton of wisdom in those song lyrics, and that perky blonde may have been one of our greatest philosophers in troubling times like these.”

A great philosopher?

BP is even thinking that it may be a useless effort to continue operations to try and stop the leaking. “Nothing seems to be working,” said the insider, “and everything we do only exasperates our bad P.R. So, fine. Maybe we should just sit back and let some Einstein come up with a solution. I’m not saying we will, but we’re getting pretty sick and tired of the beating we’re getting in the press. Now there’s hurricanes brewing– hey, is anyone blaming Mother Nature? No. No, it’s all evil BP’s fault. I, for one, am sick of fighting a losing battle,” said the irate man in his $4,000 tailored suit and $1,500 shoes, “we just can’t win here! He pivoted quickly and walked away, disgusted, perhaps in search of a ‘chill pill’ to ease his frustration.

    Christmas has come and gone and soon we’ll all be striking the holiday-decorated sets of our homes. Which always brings sadness to me because I feel guilty dragging our artificial tree out to the curb for garbage collection.

It looks so natural, so real, it seems a shame to throw the darn thing out!

It looks so natural, so real, it seems a shame to throw the darn thing out!

  It seems to me someone should come up with a greener way to deal with artificial trees. It not only seems wasteful, but it also harmful to good ol’ mother nature. 

   I know what you’re thinking– why not just burn the artificial tree? Well, I’ve tried that in the past and ended up with singed eyebrows and a stink I couldn’t get out of my clothes for months.

    So, I’ll do like the rest of America and throw my beautiful, expensive artificial tree on the trash heap of humanity. 

    I wish someone would come up with a recycling program for artificial trees. Maybe that’s what I’ll ask Santa for next Christmas.