Tag: nonhuman presidential candidate

  • Pollywog, Stilts & Salt Water Taffy Trust Fund Money To Enter Political Fray

    When it was announced recently that Cylde and Rebecca Hundsinger, the billionaire ultra conservatives behind ALLIED ACME Industries, were deciding on which nonhuman presidential candidate to back with their Super PAC, another power group surfaced with its own Super PAC ideas. The Turley Sisters of Tulsa, Oklahoma, who are listed in the nation’s top 100…

  • Santy Paws Promises to “Fix” Americans

    Recently, Big Ol’ Slab o’ Granite, the winner of the New Hampshire nonhuman presidential primary, came out with a stern social plan proposing a sex registry for human beings. Now, an opposing candidate, a precious puppy named Santy Paws, is going him one better by proposing to get all Americans “fixed” so they do not…

  • Pickles Claims Watson Is Satan

    With the nonhuman 2012 presidential campaign heating to a boil, candidate Ms. Pickles today threw gasoline on the fire by claiming that brainiac computer candidate Watson is “a creation of Satan sent to take over the world and obliterate all that is kind and good.” The assertions of Ms. Pickles were delivered by a spokesman…

  • Watson Releases Tax Return

    After weeks of speculations about his incredible wealth and accusations of being elite, nonhuman presidential candidate super duper computer, Watson, today released his income tax returns. The 11,318 page tax return showed that the brainiac binary box had income of $636,864,321.90 in 2010 and paid an effective tax rate of 1.246%. A fraction of Watson’s…