The Lint Screen

This is where your feet want to be tonight because this is where Hollywood royalty does the perp walk before prostrating themselves before the fatted golden little man named Oscar and anyone who is anyone is totally here and as glammed-up as thirsty angels going out on a Saturday night bender and look who’s coming now– it’s Natalie Portman of Black Swan fame and she is gorgeously decked-out in a pink taffeta tutu number with black fishnet stockings and purple plastic kneecap protectors and what’s that she’s eating– it’s planks of chicken tenders and she’s dunking them in a small bucket of cream gravy a servant is carrying and oopsie-daisy a glop o’ gravy just hit the red carpet and that is going to leave an awful greasy stain and who is this coming– why it’s True Grit’s own Jeff Bridges and he is gussied-up in a cowboy theme of leather chaps, no pants, and a red bandana tied ’round his neck and he has an eyepatch covering his right nipple and I think this may be the fashion statement of the evening but WAIT, here comes Helena Bonham Carter of The King’s Speech and she is gorgeous in an all white nurse’s outfit and bright red pumps but it looks like she’s tracking something all over the carpet and by the smell of it I think she may not have watched her step around her dogs, and oh my word here’s her leading man Kingy-poo, Colin Firth, and he apparently did not know that The Oscars are a formal affair– he’s wearing tattered jeans, a faded Led Zep tee and Crocs, oh, he must feel out of place but look who’s coming now– it’s bad boy Charlie Sheen and he smells like he has been partying for days and oh my goodness, he’s making sick all over Melissa Leo’s gown and the red carpet and here comes The Situation from Jersey Shore drinking red wine from the bottle and fortunately he has been tasered and the wine has spilled all over the carpet, that stain will never come out, and the cops are dragging him away in handcuffs, oh I wish you could see the action here on the red carpet– it is SOMETHING but I am going to have a long night trying to get this red carpet clean again…

2010 was a pretty terrific year for movie lovers.

The Social Network, Winter’s Bone, The King’s Speech, True Grit and The Other Guys were some of my favorites. I recently caught two surefire Oscar favorites– The Fighter and Black Swan. Both are must-sees for any serious film lover.

In The Fighter, we see a tale that’s been told many times: the palooka beating the odds, trusting in himself and succeeding. But, this film based on true events throws in some interesting twists– a family that loves and manipulates so hard it’s crushing, and the perils of being trained by a crackhead.
Christian Bale is phenomenal as the washed-up older brother/trainer to Mark Wahlberg’s battling boxer “Irish” Mickey Ward.

Bale’s “Dickey” lives in his past glory days and deludes himself with dreams of rising again to be a serious fighter and contender. Until then, he has the crack pipe and his little brother to keep him occupied. The boys have an overbearing mother played by Melissa Leo, in a performance sure to get an Oscar nod. Mom is not only the matriarch of the family, she schedules upcoming bouts and manages her brood of fighting boys and doting daughters. Leo and Bale are a potent one-two punch (witness the scene in the car with the two singing).

Throw in killer performances by Amy Adams and Mark Wahlberg, and you have a film best described by our firstborn son as “it’s hard to imagine a better sports movie.” Yes, yes it is.

Director David O. Russell really delivers the goods here; the pacing, camerawork, cinematography and performances are all terrific. That said, I cannot forgive Russell for the wreck that was I Heart Huckabees .

The other move that should not be missed is Black Swan, a film just under two hours that will haunt you for a long time to come.

While we’ve all seen many boxing tales, we probably can’t name many gripping ballet flicks. Enter Black Swan, a movie that’s part beauty, part beast, and has the creepy edginess of Psycho throughout.

Oscar, meet Natalie Portman, shake hands and get to know each other. She’s a lock.

Portman shed 20 of her unslightly pounds for the role of Nina Sayers, and she delivers a heavyweight performance as a dedicated-innocent-living-at-home-with-mommie-pursuing-perfection- ballet dancer. Her performance as an actor and dancer are believable, beautiful and incredibly disturbing. Director Darren Aronofsky never lets up with the tension and intrigue of this compelling thiller. No matter how much you think you don’t like ballet, I defy you not to be interested in this film. Of course, some hot sex scenes can spice up any story.

The supporting cast is superb. Barbara Hershey as Nina’s long suffering artistic mom, Mila Kunis as Lily, the back-tatted beauty in the company who is either Nina’s friend, enemy or a frienemy, Winona Ryder as Beth Macintyre, the fading ballerina star and Vincent Cassel as Thomas Leroy, the driven and manipulative ballet company artistic director.

I can say no more about the movie aside from this: Swan Lake scares me. See this film. Here’s a ballet film that keeps you on your toes. (Could I get a rimshot, here? A rimshot, please! Rimshot?!)

The Fighter and Black Swan are two great stories of finding strength from within in decidedly different ways. Between the two films, they’ll easily garner a dozen to a dozen and a half well-deserved Oscar nominations.

See them and see why.

Ohmigod, this is so amazing, I’m seeing more stars than Capt. James Kirk on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise at warp speed 5.4, look over there– J Lo, you go girl– and George Clooney, love you in E.R., and there’s that tall blue lady from Avatar– you were incredible sugar, glad goodness beat evil on Pandora, oh, and there’s Meryl Streep and she’s got Sandra Bullock in a headlock and is giving her face some fist kisses, and there’s Jeff Bridges and he’s got his bathrobe with a caucasian in hand, go, Dude, abide, and here’s Katheryn Bigelow and she’s wearing a bomb suit designed by Jason Wu, absolute stunning, and over there’s her ex-hubby, James Cameron who’s being carried into the theatre on a king’s throne– nice touch with the children tossing rose petals as he whips them lightly– oh, and lookit over there, Mo’Nique wearing nothing but a feather boa and a welder’s helmet, oh, wait, is that– yes it is, look–Ken Watchons, who did some amazing grip work on Precious, and behind him is what’s her name, you know, the really beautiful woman who was in that movie about the thing that happened that one time, you know, the one that’s in color–oh, I need a paper sack, I’m hyperventilating here…

   I missed the deadline for Cannes but wanted to release this film in time for Oscar considerations.

   Come enjoy a little film, eh?