The president tests Satan!

Religious leaders usually preach against adultery, but not in the case of Donald J. Trump!

Trump’s lawyer allegedly paid $130,000 to Stormy Daniels, a porn star actress, to keep quiet about her 2011 affair with the current president. Trump has an 81% approval rating among evangelicals, but this news does not seem to matter to his flock.

“President Trump succumbed to Satan’s temptation–– whoop dee doo,” Focus on the Family leader Timothy “Preachy” Woolcott told The Lint Screen. “We should not be so judgmental when it comes to sins of the flesh, especially when we’re talking about getting some sweet smoldering smashing with the hot star of Good Will Humping! Classic flick!” Woolcott closed his eyes, perhaps in prayer.

“If we are going to make America great again,” Woolcott continued, “we have to fight Satan daily to prove ourselves. Some days the dark prince will win, but if we are to prevail, we must engage him in battle.” Woolcott paused reflexively.

“What Trump did was not good, but I’ll bet the sex was good–– amazing even, I’ll bet–– but he deserves our understanding and forgiveness for his weakness of the flesh. Especially when we’re talking about Lucifer taking the form of the curvaceous babe who was incredibly tempting in The Witches of Breastwick, Pussy Sweat, Love Potion 69, and Poking With Pride.”

Woolcott became excited and began hyperventilating. He reached into his pocket and took out a brown paper bag. He huffed into the bag for six minutes, then continued.

“Make no mistake, Beelzebub takes many forms, and sometimes that form can give a blind man a limp. There is no hypocrisy in giving a mulligan to someone for engaging in adultery–– hey, God says a lot of things, you know–– He can’t possibly mean all of them. No, let’s move on. It’s time we forgive our human president and prepare for Armageddon. Sweet, sweet, Armageddon.” Woolcott smiled.

By the way,” Wolcott said, as he leaned into this reporter, “did you see the Stormster in Trailer Trash Nurses 6 . Damnation, that girl can act!”

Let us pray.