Entries tagged with “The New York Times”.

Major celebration in headquarters of The Lint Screen

The rock-em, sock-em game of journalism is not for wussies. Now that any numbskull with a smartphone is a media company, the stakes have never been higher for eyeballs.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos bought a vanity press called The Washington Post and that news organization recently announced its bold new slogan, “Democracy Dies in Darkness”.

The New York Times recently broke a campaign with the theme “The Truth Is More Important Now Than Ever.”

With two of the big fish unveiling new campaigns, an anxious world turned to see how The Lint Screen would respond. Would this august and respected online scoop factory flinch, or would it rise with inky fists balled and ready to rumble?

Silly goose–– did you really have to ask?

Today, we proudly announce our new slogan:
“The Lint Screen. Where fake news gets real.”

Check and mate.

Need something? Get it fast with Urchin Prime.

Need something? Get it fast with Urchin Prime.

Amazon, the internet everything store, has come under a barrage of bad publicity following a scathing expose of its high pressure working conditions in The New York Times. Today The Lint Screen learned that the company is fighting back–– with a new service that it says “shows compassion and concern for our best customers, while instilling our youth with a good work ethic.”

It’s called Amazon Urchin Prime. Those who enroll for $249/annually will receive a personal street urchin to fetch Amazon orders the moment they are made, and deliver them “toot sweet, or faster.”

“Urchin Prime shows a new level of responsive, attentive service,” said Todd Lorrhence, Amazon’s Sr. V.P. Corporate Toadying. “It gives Amazon a human face and scurrying feet to fetch whatever our customers desire. And for our urchins, it offers a free on the job training program in industriousness, personalized service skills development and customer commitment. We see this as a win-win-win situation.”

Jeff Bezos, check and mate. Take that, New York Times! Who’s evil now?

You’ve read about it in The New York Times, now catch the film critics are calling “Not as bad as I’d thought it would be” and “Better than a fist in the face or a dagger in the pancreas.”

Here it is, the sequel to “The Merger”, “The Merger (pt. 2)”