Tag: Tim Cook

  • Weiner’s iPhone Confiscated By Wife

    “I’ve about had it with him,” Abedin told The Lint Screen. “In fact, today I called Tim Cook at Apple and told him to begin development on an anti-Weiner software update for all iPhones. My husband must be stopped. Now!

  • Ahmed Hired To Build New Apple Watch

    Apple leader Tim Cook is one smart cookie. The tech powerhouse kingpin told The Lint Screen he’s hired Irving, Texas troublemaker Ahmed Mohamed, the Muslim teen suspended from school and arrested earlier this week for bringing to school a homemade clock he built. “The kid’s obviously smart,” said Cook, as he gave himself a prison…

  • Analysts Blame Elvis Costello For Apple Stock Dip

    Yesterday, Apple’s leader Tim Cook headed a special news conference where the rock musician Elvis Costello performed. Today, Apple stock is getting hammered on Wall Street. “Elvis Costello was a mistake,” said a Goldman Sachs tech analyst. “Cook should have picked someone hip and hot, like I don’t know, maybe Steve Perry from Journey or…