Entries tagged with “Washington”.

Democrat Chris Coons claims Christine O'Donnell was involved in his amazing body transformation

Tea Party Republican candidate Christine O’Donnell, running for a Delaware Senate seat, recently ran a TV commercial in which she said, “I am not a witch.” The spot was a tongue in cheek response to her admission years ago to Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect that she had studied witchcraft.

Now, Ms. O’Donnell is in the spotlight again after her Senate opponent, Democrat Chris Coons, left his human body to occupy a toad’s form. A spokesperson for Mr. Coons said that the candidate is furious about this sudden transformation and strongly suspects “witch O’Donnell’s black magic hand” involvement in the matter.

“Now it’s going to be next to impossible for Chris Coons to run an effective campaign against Christine O’Donnell. Our polling indicates that the voting public is not ready for an amphibian in Washington, especially one with little bladder control when frightened. We demand Ms. O’Donnell lift her evil spell and fight fair!”

When Ms. O’Donnell was contacted for her response to the allegations, she said, “I’m innocent– innocent, I tells ya!” She then turned into a puff of smoke and vanished.

     In a startling development, it appears ex-president George W. Bush may have his sights set on wearing the Greek fishing cap de coolness from the mysterious deposed Nigerian prince.

     Unnamed White House sources have leaked the contents of the letter Bush left for President Barack Obama in the Oval Office. They are disclosed here in a Lint Screen exclusive:

Ex-Prez making play for Greek fishing cap

Letter reveals Ex-Prez making play for Greek fishing cap.

     “Dear Barack,

Enjoy your stay in Washington. I’ll be in Texas, spreading my Fonzie cool in my Greek fishing cap. It’s supposed to be coming my way real soon, baby. Aaayyyyy! Oh, by the way, next time you go shopping get some milk. The carton in the fridge has turned bad. Bye, W.”

     Bernie Madoff refused commenting on the story except to say he was seeking some new investors for a “can’t lose investment opportunity… all it takes is $50 billion.”