The Lint Screen

Queen puts Kibosh on Hokey Pokey

Written by

PD Scullin

in

Unfortunately, by order of the Queen, all limbs must not be put in, put out, or shaken all about.
To the disappointment of all who will attend the gala reception following the Royal Wedding tomorrow of Prince William and Kate de la Common Folks, Queen Elizabeth II has declared there will be no dancing of the traditional wedding reception favorite, “The Hokey Pokey.”

A spokesman for the reigning monarch issued the following statement this morning. “While the Queen loves a good festive dance, she believes that ‘the putting of a left foot in and the putting of a left foot out and the putting of a left foot back in and shaking it all about’ is not in keeping with the solemn occasion of this Royal union. She regrets the ill feelings any may harbor by this decision, but she believes it is in the best interest of the Monarchy.”

Although the news was met with disappointment and grief, the Queen has decided that “The Chicken Dance” and “The Electric Slide” will be permitted at the reception.

“The Queen loves the silliness of people flapping their arms like chicken wings,” said the spokesman as he polished his monocle. He also reminded the press corps, “If you are attending the reception, please remember to bring a covered dish– Swedish meatballs, pigs in a blanket and noodle casseroles are always popular and welcomed. Also, please do remember the dress code is ‘swanky.’ No denim, cut-offs or tank tops, please.”

Comments

12 responses to “Queen puts Kibosh on Hokey Pokey”

  1. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    To the Queen, I would say, “Those you do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”

    During the latter stages of the Revolutionary War, for example, King George III looked at his nation’s increasingly desperate position against the upstart American army and said, “It was a joke to think of keeping Pennsylvania.”

    And so it is also a joke to think that the Queen, by royal fiat, can ban the “Hokey Pokey,” not only here in the USA, a country that stopped listening to edicts from Britain over 235 years ago, but also elsewhere around the world, even in former British colonies.

  2. admin Avatar
    admin

    Your historical framing of this is interesting. If the Monarchy persists in this iron glove handling of the public, I don’t know how it can continue to hold on to power.

    Has the Queen never seen “Footloose”– is she John Lithgow in drag?

    What gives?

  3. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    The Monarchy was not blessed with 20/20 vision when it comes to the public.

    According a wonderful article about the Royal Wedding in this week’s New Yorker, for example, British Republicans (as opposed to British Monarchists) view “the wedding less as a consensual entertainment than as a transparent ploy to beguile the populace in a year of deep cuts to civic services – an attempt by the Royal Family to wag the corgi.”

    Wag the corgi! Who but the British (or possibly The New Yorker) could spin an old cliche so well!

    Lithgow in drag would be a good Queen. Same with Eric Idle or some of the other Monty Pythoners, assuming they’d be brave enough to tweak the noses of Britain’s Royal Family.

    Throughout film history, no queen has ever been more Queenly than Nathan Lane in “The Birdcage.” Britain should hire him as a stand-in.

  4. admin Avatar
    admin

    I wonder if anyone has dared asked to see the Queen’s birth certificate…

    Donald?

  5. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    The Donald is running for president. Trust me, though. If he wanted to be the Queen of England, he’d come after her! (There’s an idea here… how about we get the Brits to start a “Draft The Donald” movement?)

  6. Bill Avatar
    Bill

    Excessive spending on Trump casinos, Trump towers, Trump golf courses and Trump jetliners has left The Donald in dire financial straights. His wealth is as wispy as his hairdo. Word on the street is the Democrats have paid him to run for President as a Republican. Clever.

  7. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    If that’s true, Bill, the Democrats could have had me for a whole lot less than they’re paying Trump. And I could be just as scary. Worse than Trump, Palin and Bachmann combined. Even I would have had to make everything up.

  8. admin Avatar
    admin

    Curvin, does this mean you’re testing the political waters?

  9. Curvin O'Rielly Avatar
    Curvin O’Rielly

    Show me the money.

  10. admin Avatar
    admin

    Check your Swiss bank account. The money’s been wired.

  11. chatterdemalion Avatar
    chatterdemalion

    Trumped by the Americans! Thought it was the Hokey Cokey!

  12. admin Avatar
    admin

    To quote Gershwin, “You say potato, I say patahto…”

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