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Iowa Vote Grab
With the Iowa caucuses only days away, the nonhuman candidates running for president are bowing and scraping for support across “The State Named ‘Iowa’ State.” Super computer Watson has proclaimed “Iowans are the smartest people on Earth, so naturally they will vote for me because I am the only candidate who has a program to…
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Your 2011 Digital Christmas Card
In case it got lost in the mail, which I believe is soon to be delivered two days a week between the hours of 1-4 PM, here is the official 2011 Scullin Christmas card wishing the best to you and yours from us and ours. The back of the card was written by son, Matt,…
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Watson Jumps to Lead in Iowa
Watson proclaimed that “Iowa is the best four-lettered state in the nation in which three of the letters are vowels. And I mean that from the bottom of my motherboard.” People in Ohio were upset at this statement and registered their complaints.
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Watson Enters Race
” I don’t see any human or nonhuman candidates who can challenge his enormous intellect. He would be the first computer president since the Chester A. Arthur robot served from 1881-1885. While the Arthuratron 6000 had a serviceable intellect, Watson is far, far superior. However, I must say that the Chester A. Arthur robot was…
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New Prez Candidate To Announce Soon
Speculation is it could be a ghost (the ghosts of Abe Lincoln, Conway Twitty and Gene Rayburn have been mentioned), an alien or an inanimate object from the broom family. Heavy speculation is a whisk broom, although smart money favors a fireplace broom–– either could be a serious contender.
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Pickles Demands Paws End His War on Christmas
The juggernaut presidential campaign for lovable monkey, Ms. Pickles, is Planet of The Apes-angry at opposing candidate, adorable puppy, Santy Paws. Dan Gruthers, campaign manager for Ms. Pickles, said today that Santy Paws was leading the “Satanic evil war on Christmas.” “Frankly, we believe all Americans should be outraged by this brazen attack by an…