The Lint Screen

The social network gaming community is devastated by the tragic news that a horrific gravesite containing 246 bodies has been discovered in the peaceful and cooperative community of Farmville.

“It’s the worst thing anyone here could imagine” said Farmville Mayor, Winslow “Winky-Dinky” Spitoomber. “Murder really isn’t part of our social fabric. We’re usually a very peaceful, helpful community looking to build together with a common purpose. Now that this awful event has happened, we’re probably going to have some trouble attracting visitors. The value of farm coins could plummet and we may be headed toward a death spiral. But we still have one of the best climates on the internet.”

Medical examiners report the bodies had been hung, bludgeoned by blunt objects, shot, had their throats slit, axed to death and run over by a tractor. Police have identified most of the bodies as “migrant workers, drifters, sidewinders, short order cooks, human resources professionals, hair care stylists, insurance salespeople and dental technicians.”

“At this time,” reported Police Chief Maxwell “Hurly Burly” Weatherton, “we have no suspect, but lots of hunches and twitchy feelings. We believe the person or persons who did these gruesome acts is not normal and may have some anger management issues. In my professional opinion, it’s a pickle. A true blue pickle of a pickle!”