Putin calls Trump’s Tariff plan “Brilliant–it will strengthen the U.S. economy”

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You would think America’s traditional arch-enemy would be tight-lipped about the actions of our President, but that is not the case. After Felonious Trump unveiled his drastic “Independence Day” Tariff Plan, Russian President Vladimir Putin was effusive in his praise. “Trump is an economic mastermind,” Putin tells The Lint Screen. “He will cripple the economy … Read more

Hegseth to establish “private” Facebook group for sharing classified info

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Pete Hegseth is sick and tired of “the outrageous accusations” that he shared classified attack plans on Houthi rebels in Yemen on Signal, an unsecured encrypted app. “I’m being viciously attacked for nothing,” the ex-Fox anchor and now Sec. of Defense tells The Lint Screen. “Everyone knows that Signal is safe, and the information I … Read more

JD: “If Zelensky doesn’t apologize for his rude behavior, we’ll nuke him.”

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“If Zelensky doesn’t apologize quickly, on worldwide TV, we will have to nuke what’s left of his country,” Vance said. “He never should have picked on Russia in the first place, and America has always stood up to bullies like Zelensky. We must protect our trusted allies like President Putin. He believes in our country so much that he bought a bunch of President Trump’s meme coins, $TRUMP. A huge amount. That’s what a true ally does–he supports his friend. It’s your move, Zelensky. Beg forgiveness and buy a stash of $TRUMP. Don’t make us mushroom cloud you.”

Musk promises to circumcise his bastard baby boy

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“Women naturally love me,” he says, tipping his black MAGA cap. “I have a fantastic personality, ooze charisma, got more money than God, fashion model looks, and I’m a lot of fun to be around. Like President Trump, I firmly believe in Christian family values. One day, I even hope to meet some of my children. At least the kids who will talk to me.”