Donald J. Trump loves women. “Oh, how I love them, ladies,” the GOP presidential candidate tells The Lint Screen. “I love them so much I want to protect them all the time. I give them so much protection. The best protection. And if they resist, I’ll threaten to shoot them in a firing squad. That’s…

Donald J. Trump is dead serious about solving America’s immigration crisis. The brilliant political mastermind held a sheetless KKK rally yesterday in Madison Square Garden to show support for his 2024 presidential run, but it was a sly ruse. The event was a cleverly disguised sting operation designed to capture dangerous immigrants. “This was a…

Twice-impeached disgraced felon Ex-President Donald J. Trump turned a staged photo op into a bitch session. “It was awful what they did to me at McDonald’s,” the fat baby tells The Lint Screen. “They made me stand at a hot oil machine to look like I was making french fries. It was very hot. No…

Convicted sex offender and G.O.P. presidential candidate Donald J. Trump got his “groove on” last night at a Town Hall in Pennsylvania, and it was so exciting that people fainted. “I’m like The Beatles,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “But I’m much more popular than they were. Sorry, John, Paul, George, and Bingo, Trump’s got…

With the election less than a month away, disgraced ex-President Donald Trump is hot on the campaign trail. Although he’s already been impeached twice, the felon wants to raise his record stats for being a crook and cheat in the Oval Office. At a recent rally in Pennsylvania, the demented kook was joined on stage…

GOP Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance got all gussied up this week for his debate with everyman Democratic V.P. nominee Tim Walz. Vance even went to Sephora for some new Lancôme mascara and eyeliner for the special occasion. His sugar daddy, Peter Thiel, bought him a brand new tailormade Italian suit costing $4,800. Walz bought…