“Joe Biden left this country in horrible shape,” Trump said. “No one thought the country could be repaired, but I’m such a great leader, I was able to fix everything. I stopped inflation dead in its tracks, I got us out of forever wars, and I turbo-charged the economy so every American is flush with cash. Hell, I made over $2 billion in my first year!”

”We are smiling in the picture because we had just done the dirty deed, ” McConnell confided in an email to The Lint Screen. “I have the passion of a tiger––a very horny tiger, and we got it on hot and heavy…”

I have instructed our well-trained ICE troops to immediately arrest cheating Senators Jon Ossoff, Raphael Warnock, and every Dumbocrat in political office. We will jail them in ICE facilities along with the illegals they snuck in to vote for them.

“It’s impossible that a puny country like Belgium could beat the hottest country in the world,” he says. “They obviously rigged the game. They had illegal soccer balls or a crooked scorekeeper, or they poisoned our guys. I’ll get to the bottom of this, and there will be hell to pay.”

“It’s incredible to see so many people enjoying my party,” Trump says. “Many of them take a dip in my newly refurbished reflecting pond, where the water’s so clean you can drink it. Many people say it’s the fountain of youth. I don’t know, maybe it is.”

You can always count on wannabe dictator Donald Trump to ruin everything he touches. The addled con artist promised he’d beautify Washington by cleaning and painting the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool. “I hired the best pool man in the business,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “And they painted the pool the most beautiful American flag … Read more