"Where fake news gets real."
“Donald and I are going steady,” Natalie tells The Lint Screen. “He gave me his class ring and everything, and I wrapped it with yarn and wear it proudly. Actually, it’s his Super Bowl ring that Robert Kraft gave him, but it’s the same diff. It proves we are in love 4eva, and I’ll probably become his next wife.”
Trump says, “I’m such a commanding leader that I get all the attention, and these guys don’t get much of the spotlight. Had they died, the world would view them as heroes. Martyrs who died in Trump’s honor. It would help my poll numbers, which are the highest ever recorded. People love me.”
“Joe Biden left this country in horrible shape,” Trump said. “No one thought the country could be repaired, but I’m such a great leader, I was able to fix everything. I stopped inflation dead in its tracks, I got us out of forever wars, and I turbo-charged the economy so every American is flush with cash. Hell, I made over $2 billion in my first year!”
”We are smiling in the picture because we had just done the dirty deed, ” McConnell confided in an email to The Lint Screen. “I have the passion of a tiger––a very horny tiger, and we got it on hot and heavy…”
I have instructed our well-trained ICE troops to immediately arrest cheating Senators Jon Ossoff, Raphael Warnock, and every Dumbocrat in political office. We will jail them in ICE facilities along with the illegals they snuck in to vote for them.
“It’s impossible that a puny country like Belgium could beat the hottest country in the world,” he says. “They obviously rigged the game. They had illegal soccer balls or a crooked scorekeeper, or they poisoned our guys. I’ll get to the bottom of this, and there will be hell to pay.”