Donald J. Trump, who insisted on taking his personal jumbo jet, gifted to him by Qatar, to a NATO Summit in Turkey, couldn’t take it back to the U.S. because the aircraft wasn’t secure––even after spending $1 billion in taxpayer money to recondition it. Instead, he would take the old, reliable Air Force One. Then things got hinky.
Security forces learned the Iranians were planning to assassinate Trump. The brave Commander-in-Chief, who claims to have destroyed Iran and won the war 416 times, boarded Air Force One but was then hidden in a catering cart, removed from the aircraft, and loaded onto another plane.
“I wanted to give my Cabinet members like Stephen Miller and ‘lil Marco Rubio the opportunity to become martyrs if the Iranians blew the plane out of the sky,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “I’m such a commanding leader that I get all the attention, and these guys don’t get much of the spotlight. Had they died, the world would view them as heroes. Martyrs who died in Trump’s honor. It would help my poll numbers, which are the highest ever recorded. People love me.”
When asked about the other 100 people on board the aircraft, Trump waved his hand dismissively.
“Most of them were from the fake news media,” Trump said, smiling. “No big loss there. Just a little collateral damage. “
Asked if he would have felt any guilt or remorse about using the plane as a decoy if tragedy had struck, Trump laughs.
“Hell no. Why would I?” The heroic man chuckles. “Suckers die every day. Life goes on. Besides, they died for Trump, and what more glorious way to go is there than that?”
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