Teetotaler President Donald J. Trump was drunk with power during a lavish Halloween party held at his opulent Mar-a-Lago resort. As guests gobbled Alaskan king crab and caviar washed down with champagne, the obese blowhard tooted his horn like Louie Armstrong (only much whiter).
“I’m the greatest leader ever,” he told The Lint Screen. “Everyone tells me that. Sleepy Joe Biden left me a shithole country with a horrible economy, and I’ve turned it into a land of gold and diamonds. Now people have more money than they know what to do with. They come up to me with tears in their eyes, and they say, ‘Sir, you’ve made us richer beyond our wildest dreams. We love you, sir. Thank you, sir!’”
Trump smiled and gave a thumbs-up sign.
“I’ve been out stumping for GOP candidates running against communist Dumocrats who want to destroy our country with their affordability hoax,” he said. “Millions of people came to see Trump. I’m bigger than The Beatles when they were bigger than God.”
A silver tray of cheesecake slices passed by as Trump hoovered one into his gaping gob and continued. “I gave the GOP candidates a jolt of my star power. But if they get beaten, it’s because they’re a bunch of pathetic losers. It has nothing to do with Trump. Americans love Trump. I’ve made everybody rich.”
As his Mar-a-Lago party roared on, Trump’s eyes glazed over as if in a trance, and he was overheard talking to himself.
“My God, John Husted has such an incredible ass on him,” he whispered. “It just doesn’t quit. What an ass!”
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a traveling circus. Click here for a helluva fun ride.
Leave a Reply