Me Irish pride swelled last night to see a cheery green bow tie made in China promoting a Belgian-owned beer company celebrating the Irish holiday dedicated to Romano-Briton.
Yes, you can taste tears in Guinness.
Thu 18 Mar 2010
’tis The Luck of The Irish
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Mon 15 Mar 2010
Al-Cowda Threat Level Raised
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Surveillance cameras reveal Al-Cowda infiltration into the United States. Be afraid!
“We’re just worried sick,” said Deputy Administrator Thomas Dundstun, “our intelligence is showing a significant infiltration of bovine enemy combatants on American soil. We’re not sure if they’re mildly upset cows, somewhat angry cows or mad cows. But they pose a very real and dangerous threat to homeland security.”
The NSA has captured pictures and video footage of cows being transported across state lines and in the parking lots of Cracker Barrels. “If these Al-Cowda agents are enjoying blueberry pancakes and crispy bacon, I fear for our way of life,” said Agent Edward Sustean. “If they’ve somehow managed to master opening small bottles of maple syrup with their hooves, I can’t imagine how much trouble they could cause if they set their evil minds to it. God help us all if they’re shopping in the Cracker Barrel gift shops. We could see a very real and serious shortage of Porter Wagner and Roger Miller CDs, not to mention candy sticks and adorable home decor bric-a-bracs!”
If you see any suspicious bovine activity, scream your throat raw, flail your arms wildly, run and dig a deep hole to crawl into and take cover.
Fri 12 Mar 2010
On Apathy
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I was going to write a diatribe about the appalling state of apathy that has gripped so many people these days, but then I thought– why bother?
What's it matter and who cares anyway?
Wed 10 Mar 2010
Tea Baggers Embrace ESL
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Tea Baggers soon to adopt English!
“We speak ‘Patriot’ which ain’t like no king’s English cuz we ain’t never bowin’ down to no king or no dadblum government official of any kind,” said Clem Burnsack, official Tea Bagger Party spokesman as he dropped his chin to his spit cup and expelled a brown river. He loaded another plug of tobacco and continued.
“Now there’s some who say we don’t spell or grammar so good, but that’s just cuz we’re so mad we’re fixin’ to pop a gasket. We don’t want no politicians or government getting their greedy hands on our Medicare or Social Security checks. We earned ‘em straight up and they’re ours! If it takes us getting some book learnin’ of the formalized English language to be better speakin’-like, well I reckon that’s what we’ll do. But not cuz the government wants us to! The government’s evil and needs to keep its mitts off my money.”
Another patriot, Paul Wint, said that he thinks Tea Baggers are unfairly criticized for poor spelling and grammar. “It’s the government’s way of making us feel stupid and under-edjemecated. The government don’t like us home schoolerizing our kids cuz the government wants to brainwash their little heads with their government gobblygook and such. Others might study all this English crap, but I ain’t got no use for it. I speak Patriot, and if you don’t understand it I got me firearms that are understood in just about any language.” He pulled out a pistol, fired it into the air and danced a little jig.
Sun 7 Mar 2010
Breathless on The Red Carpet
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[4] Comments
Wish you were here and making the walk into heaven!
Fri 5 Mar 2010
Madoff Sues Inmate, Claims He Was “Cheated!”
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Scam artist Bernie Madoff is serving time while his lawyer is serving papers to a fellow inmate at Butner Federal Correctional Institution in North Carolina.
Madoff dreamed of handsome returns on his investment.
With that, the attorney spat on the ground, pivoted abruptly and marched his $1,500 Testoni Norvegese shoes across the prison yard to catcalls. Guards reported later to have heard “Hrrrrumph!” sounded from his direction.
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