King Donald J. Trump is mightily impressed with the job he is doing leading America.

“It’s incredible how great I am at presidenting,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “No one’s ever seen a leader as popular as I am. The New York Knicks demanded that I attend game three of the NBA Finals. People came to me––big, strong, handsome men in tight chinos with big bulges. Manly men. They had tears in their eyes, and they said, ‘Please, sir, you must be there. The Knicks and their fans need your support, sir. We’ll lose without you.’ So I went to the game, and the Knicks won in a blowout. I guess I’m their good luck charm. The New York crowd loves me. No one’s ever heard cheering that loud before. But I was able to catch forty winks anyway.”

Trump turns his attention to the economy.

“All Americans love the fantastic, amazing job I’m doing,” Trump claims. “Inflation is out of control. Prices just keep going up. People love spending money to boost the economy. Credit card debt is skyrocketing, which is good for my banking pals. And with this strong economy, I’ve never been richer. I’m wetting my beak on everything that comes past my desk: the oligarchs looking for deregulation, the building projects greasing my palm, and the criminals and pedophiles that need pardons. They’re all available for a friendly Trump price. My grifting opportunities are endless.

I also started a new war that no one ever imagined I’d be brave enough to do. And I did it because I’m in charge, not Bibi. I call the shots. Me.”

Trump chuckles and smiles. “No wonder everyone loves Trump. Who knew making America great again would be so much fun? I may never leave this Oval Office. Everyone wants me to stay on forever.”

Aides arrive and carry him out for his hourly diaper change, burping, and a feeding.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Old, stinky lunatic Donald J. Trump is on a tear.

He put his name on The Kennedy Center, tore down the East Wing, wants a billion dollars to build his bunker/ballroom, gave a single bid contract seven times the original estimate to paint The Lincoln Memorial Reflective Pool, is spending $5 million in taxpayer dollars to cover four bronze horse statues in 23.75-karat gold, is building a wrasslin’ ring on The White House lawn for his birthday, has plans to build a triumphant arch, and wants to put his image on currency,

Now he has a new boneheaded idea: constructing a large bouncy community on White House grounds.

“Every president has wanted a bouncy palace to relax,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “Abraham Lincoln wanted one during the Civil War, a nasty little conflict that most people don’t know about. But no president had the guts to actually get the community done.” The smug orange clown crosses his arms. “Only a brilliant developer like TRUMP could make something like this happen.”

Trump gives a confident smile.

“We’re going to build something every American can be proud of. A place where MAGA believers can bounce and let off some steam after a long day of fighting leftist Antifa maniacs, hellbent on destroying America and killing everyone’s mother. It’s true. The Dumocrats want to kill your mother. I won’t stand for it.”

An aide comes in and whispers something to Trump.

“Great news,” he says. “We’ve just awarded the contract for the inflatable city to D&E Air for $800 million. This is an innovative company started recently by Don, Jr. and Eric, and I know they’ll do amazing work for our nation.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Tyrant Donald J. Trump is on a rampage against his enemies who had the audacity to enforce the transfer of presidential power after a free and fair election. America’s first king has decreed his legal stooge, Todd Blanche, to establish a taxpayer-funded $1.8 billion dollar “Anti-Weaponization Fund.”

“I stand with true blue Americans,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “The January 6 protesters were standing up for justice. Joe Biden stole my election. Everyone knows I won in a landslide, and these brave patriots were outraged by the cheating, so they stormed the Capitol, beat the hell out of cops, sprayed bear spray on them, and broke down barriers to kill the traitor Mike Pence and stop Biden from stealing my White House.”

Trump stops, rubs his bruised hands, and signals for an aide to cut an onion by his face. A tear rolls down his face, caked with makeup.

“Look at me crying, like a real human,” Trump says. “Biden abused the courageous Jan 6 patriots, and he illegally threw them in jail. When I got back, I set all of them free to commit more crimes. And now I want to use American taxpayer money to pay those victims bonuses for supporting me. They’ve earned it for all the suffering they’ve endured. They were treated horribly. So horribly. And the Jan 6 courageous crew must give me a taste of their bonuses. I’ve got to wet my beak here.”

Trump waddles away, mumbling to himself, “My big beautiful ballroom… my big beautiful ballroom… my big beautiful ballroom…”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

Felon and suspected pedophile Donald J. Trump is sick and tired of people second-guessing his executive decisions.

“I’m the president, goddammit,” he told reporters yesterday before leaving for a diplomatic trip to China. “Biden and Obama left me one helluva mess to clean up, and I’m doing an incredible job.”

Trump is becoming increasingly irate at reporters from news organizations like The Lint Screen. The nation’s leader mocks anyone with the audacity to question him.

“Are you an idiot?” he replies. “You must be a very low I.Q. person asking a stable genius like me such a stupid question. I’ve aced every cognitive test I’ve ever taken. No one’s ever seen anything like it. I’m much smarter than Lincoln, Washington, and probably God.”

The stinky man’s face reddens.

“My ideas saved America,” he claims. “But I get no thanks for everything I’ve done. We’ve flooded the treasury with thirty or forty trillion dollars thanks to Trump’s brilliant tariffs. And my bombing Iran saved us from a certain nuclear attack. People might whine about paying an extra nickel or dime for gas, but that’s the small price to pay for not being fried to a crisp by a hydrogen bomb.”

According to Trump, this is The Golden Age of America.

“When I came into office, the country was a mess,” Trump says. “I’ve addressed inflation, and groceries are cheap again. I fixed the unemployment problem, improved international relations, we’re the hottest country in the world, and I have classy ideas like building a new east wing, my glorious triumphant arch, painting the reflecting pond like a kid’s swimming pool, putting my face on federal buildings, money, and passports, plus introducing big money-saving ideas like Trump crypto and a gold Trump phone. Americans need to quit being such crybabies. The president of peace is making America great again, and even if it kills you, I’m going to do it.”

He huffed and puffed and farted his way to the helicopter.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

The tide is turning in America.

Fearless & Glorious Leader Donald J. Trump has been winning so much lately that “low-IQ individuals” jealous of his greatness are using seashells as weapons, foretelling potential assassination attempts.

“This is a very dangerous situation,” bug-eyed creep, FBI Director Kash Patel, tells The Lint Screen. “Derranged individuals are using seashells to spell out threatening messages on the beach, like ’86 47.’ And ‘Let’s Give Trump A Good Comeuppance.’ And ‘I Really Don’t Think Much Of President Trump, And He Should Be Removed From Office Immediately Because He Is A Fraud, A Liar, A Felon, A Grifter, A Suspected Pedophile, And A Convicted Rapist. The Man IS Immoral And Not Fit For Public Office.’ We are using the full resources of the FBI to gather potentially lethal messaging seashells.”

Trump’s attack dog, Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, recently brought charges against former FBI Director James Comey for his seashell shenanigans.

“What Comey did was very serious,” Blanche says. “He shared a picture of seashells spelling ’86 47′ on social media, and the president was terrified. He requested extra ‘cuddle time’ with the First Lady for comfort, and she told him to “go straight to hell.” He was so upset, the poor guy stress-ate a bucket of KFC, a sack of Quarter Pounders, and two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s.”

Lady Lindsay Graham is worried sick about the president.

“I do declare he is the best man I have ever met,” the southern belle says in his molasses-drippin’ southern twang. “Donald smells like lilacs and dirty diapers, and the aroma is absolutely intoxicating. We must do everything in our power to protect this great man, who is a wonderful kisser, by the by. President Trump just melts my butter.”

Patel reports that recently, a woman named “Sally” had been apprehended for selling seashells by the seashore.

“We think this could be a major development,” Patel says, chugging a Budweiser. “We believe she may be the mastermind behind an assassination plot.” Patel downs another Bud. “We’re damn good at our jobs,” he says, followed by a loud burp.

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.

King Charles III had a jolly good time on his recent visit to “the colonies.”

America’s wannabe-king, con artist Donald J. Trump, hosted the monarch as he bragged about how well his country is doing.

“America’s hottest country in the world,” Trump crowed. “It’s our golden age. No one’s ever seen anything like it. The economy is booming, my crypto, grifts, and extortion have made me well over $4 billion. Gas and groceries are very cheap. My kids and Jared are making a killing with their grifting games. We’re all getting richer than hell. No wonder I’m the most popular in the world.”

The British king played along as the orange maniac bragged about “the tremendous job I’m doing.”

“The old boy strikes me as a horse’s ass,” King Charles told The Lint Screen. “I doubt his oars have touched water in years. Your leader is frightfully mad. Quite the lunatic.”

Trump took the insults as compliments.

“That’s right,” the tacky occupant of the garish Oval Office said, as he commanded Mike Johnson, Lindsay Graham, and Clarence Thomas to clean the floor with their tongues. “I run everything, all the branches of government, and my puppets will do whatever I ask because everyone loves me.”

King Charles faked a laugh and told the president he “had to hurry back home” because “I left the tea kettle on the stove.”

Trump smiled. “You’re excused.” He turned to reporters. “The monarchs love me.”

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Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.