“I don’t know if I’ll sign it or not,” Trump says. “I have a lot of paperwork to get through, and this thing sounds like it’s not that important. Who cares what some dead guy did anyway? He’s dead, let God sort it out. I’m busy cutting grocery prices. No one ever even thought about groceries until Trump; I invented the word, and now I’m saving Americans 1,200, even 1,500 percent on their groceries. No one’s ever seen anything like it.”

The big perv explains his decision to protect Maxwell from “evil Democrats.”

Trump explains why he should be celebrated

“That’s right, Mike,” Trump says. “We need our tax money for ICE and the National Guard and expensive airflghts to black sites in El Salvador. We also need money for the great people of Argentina. We’re giving them $40 billion because their president likes me. I care a lot about Argentinians. They are much more obedient than our citizens.”

“It’s ridiculous,” said Brian Hunsford of St. Louis, Missouri. “Trump is a grifter who’ll build some garish gold monstrosity so he and his fat cat billionaire pals can eat steak and lobsters on the taxpayers’ dime. I thought the son of a bitch was supposed to lower inflation and make American lives better. Everything’s much more expensive since he became president.”

“Now we have tremendous ICE forces, incredible warriors who wear masks so blood won’t get on their faces,” Trump smiles. “We’re sending in an army of troops. We’re going to catch these Blues Brothers and deport them. They’ve got to be illegal immigrants playing that black music. Trump will make Chicago great again.”