Donald Trump‘s ever-present shadow is a 35-year-old unmarried woman with no children named Natalie Hope. Although she is not the poster girl for the GOP’s “Trad Wife” ethos of getting married and having babies, Hope stands by her man, an 80-year-old who lives in his own delusional reality. Trump even selected her for his secret shuffling of aircraft in Turkey when there was potential assassination danger from Iran.
“Donald and I are going so steady now,” Natalie tells The Lint Screen. “He gave me his class ring and everything, and I wrapped it with yarn and wear it proudly. Actually, it’s his Super Bowl ring that Robert Kraft gave him, but it’s the same diff. It proves we are in love 4eva, and I’ll probably become his next wife because he loves me so much.”
Trump’s current wife, Melania, is delighted by the news.
“I think Natalie is just what Donald needs,” the Slovakian ex-escort, Epstein associate, says. “She can give him the loving attention he craves. I am so busy writing books, making movies, and starring in documentaries about my amazing life that I am always on the go. Jeff Bezos can’t stop giving me money for his many new Melania projects. Jeff says everyone is curious and fascinated about my life and wonderfulness, so I must give the public what it wants. I have always been a giver; it’s one of my worst faults.”
Natalie is excited to receive the First Lady’s endorsement.
“Melania is very nice, even if she talks funny,” Natalie says. “But she’s getting old. Donald needs a newer model. Someone as vibrant as he is, who can change his diapers and shower him with compliments about his amazing incredibleness. Sometimes Donald lacks self-esteem. I’m happy to be his biggest cheerleader, picking up the pom poms and shouting, ‘WIN, WIN, WIN! Go, Donald, go!!!”
Melania smiles and speaks. “You go, girl.”
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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