Pete Hegseth is on a roll. He’s fired twenty qualified, decorated generals, purged our military ranks of minority honor recognition, and now he’s ready to pump U.S. military members full of testosterone and God.
“Some people say drones are the future of warfare,” Hegseth tells The Lint Screen. “But I say, ‘Bullcrap.’ Flying contraptions are no match for spiritual warriors pumped full of testosterone. I’ve killed our drone program because that’s a chicken way to engage in battle. We’re building a fighting force like something you see in movies. Push-up and chin-up machines, raging with manly hormones, not a bunch of sissy unmanned drones dropping bombs. That’s a chicken way of fighting in my book. I say, ‘Grab a Bible, get a full load of mighty T, and let’s rumble.’”
Hegseth, previously fired from two nonprofit veteran organizations for financial mismanagement and leadership turmoil, now heads one of the world’s largest military forces, comprising 1.3 million active-duty personnel and 800,000 reservists and National Guard members. Because he is inept and commands no respect, the frightened tyrant does not allow real journalists to cover the Pentagon.
Yet his boss, Donald J. Trump, thinks he is doing “A fantastic job—hell, we’ve won the Iran war 36 times already, and the Strait of Hormuz is wide open.”
“I’m building the greatest fighting force in history,” Hegseth crows. “And we’re going to need a heck of a lot of testosterone to do it. Fortunately, I found a terrific T-supplier: TRUMP TESTOSTERONE, led by a brilliant businessman named Don Jr.”
Hegseth smiles and says, “I’m killing it, man.”
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel, “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. You’re a click away from a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
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