It’s looking like strike eight in the love department for Larry King. Rumors have surfaced that the 76-year old gab show host and his 50-year old bride, singer Shawn Southwick, are soon to be divorcing, making it Larry’s eighth failed marriage to seven women. Why is the couple breaking up? Allegedly, Larry was getting all Tiger Woodsy with his sister-in-law, Shannon Engemann, while wifey-poo may have been rounding the bases with their son’s little league coach. Yow!In a Lint Screen exclusive, we reveal the searing confrontation that took place in the King household on April 15th when Larry sat waiting at the kitchen table as wife Shawn entered the house from the garage.
LK: Shawn, welcome, it’s great to see you. Come have a seat, let’s talk.
SS: Larry, is my sister here?
LK: No, no she isn’t. Why do you ask, babycakes?
SS: I smell that whorish French perfume she always wears. You’re not wearing it, are you?
LK: Of course not, sugarlips. Let’s talk about your day, snoogums. If you could describe your day in one word, would it be ‘magnificent’ or ‘wondrously fabulous.’
SS: Larry, why’s there lipstick on your forehead and neck?
LK: Remarkable your powers of perception, love-dove. I swear, you could be a C.S.I. agent with your observational skills. Let me just say here and now, that you are, without a doubt, the most incredibly beautiful woman on planet Earth. In fact, you make all other women look like garbage. They’re festering, stinking trash, compared to you. They are not worthy to be in the same gender with one as beautifully captivating as you, buttercup, and…
SS: Larry, what’s that on your arm?
LK: My arm?
SS: Yes– look, that!
LK: I shouldn’t be showing so much flesh. Between the sexy suspenders and my alluring flesh, I could be accused of babe-baiting. Let me roll down this shirt cuff. The shirt’s a Geoffrey Beene wrinkle free pinpoint, which is 60% cotton for comfort and 40% Polyester for easy care. There’s no better value for quality…
SS: Oh no you don’t– you’re not coving that up. Roll the sleeve up so I can see…
LK: What is it about the words ‘shirt sleeves’ that’s so fun to say? Have two words ever been made more for each other: shirt, sleeve– it’s like a poem. I love them!
SS: Give me your arm– aha! Just as I suspected, it’s a tattoo.
LK: Is it just me or is everyone getting ink these days?
SS: You have a tattoo that says “I heart sleeping with Shannon.” Larry, are you having an affair with my sister?
LK: For my money, there is no jealousy quite like sibling rivalry. It drives siblings crazy…
SS: You are, aren’t you?! You’re sleeping with Shannon! You smell like her, you’re wearing her lipstick and you have a tattoo with her name.
LK: In my opinion, the concept of ‘innocent until proven guilty’ is the backbone of our democracy and it’s what makes America great, and the country I’m proud to call home.
SS: Unbelievable. Larry, how could you?
LK: Well, look at the time. I’m afraid this day is done and I’d like to thank you for spending some time with me. I hope you’ll join me again tomorrow when my guest will be…