Entries tagged with “Donald J. Trump”.

Here’s what may be on tap for the bigwig talks in Germany!

In an exclusive, The Lint Screen has acquired the list of possible conversation starters President Donald J. Trump will be using for his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G20 summit.

1. I won the election in a landslide. Huge victory. Incredible feat. No one expected it. I’m president, and they’re not!
2. Even with my enormous victory, crooked Hillary had over three million fake votes. Even cheating, I still beat her like a drum.
3. My inaugural crowd was massive. Biggest ever.
4. I like Russian dressing. So good for dipping.
5. You don’t get pestered by fake news, right? How do you shut it down?
6. My daughter’s name is Ivanka. That’s Russian, right? Beautiful name for a beautiful woman. It’s not weird to want to marry your own daughter, right?
7. Do you like my tie? The label has my name. Buildings all over the world have my name on them, too.
8. Are you excited about “Game of Thrones” coming back? I am. I have a big screen TV. Huge picture. Incredible picture. I like horses. You like riding horses, right?
9. Could I get your autograph? You give me yours, I’ll give you mine. We can be pen pals.

Mass conspiracy uncovered by great journalism, Pulitzer Committee should take notice!

Mass conspiracy uncovered by great journalism, Pulitzer Committee should take notice!

The Lint Screen has learned through an exhaustive journalistic deep dive that millions of Americans are conspiring against presidential candidate Donald J. Trump, just as he suspects.

“He’s on to us,” said a shadowy figure who wished to remain synonymous.

The conspiracy is widespread as a majority of American voters have been secretly meeting late at night and agreeing they would not vote for Trump.

“The joke’s on him,” said one unnamed source who wished to remain autonomous. “He thinks he’s going to win, but he’s not. I know it’s cruel to lead someone to believe something on purpose, and then kick him, but, what can you do–– it’s funny.”

Trump has said publicly he’s suspected the upcoming election is “rigged” and like most of what he says, he’s spot on. Indeed, the rigging is underway as voters begin casting early ballots and the big fix comes down on November 8.

“It’s too bad Trump’s such a smart guy and he knows the shenanigans we’re up to,” said one of the conspirators who asked to remain Anthonomus. “It’s going to break his heart, but it’s going to be a blast watching him pout and get angry.”

For the record, The Lint Screen has never been awarded a Pulitzer Prize and we know that the whole damn thing is rigged because everyone knows we deserve one!