House Representative Willis J. Kinklemist, a Tea Party hardliner from Oklahoma, says his innovative plan will eliminate America’s high unemployment problem while turbo-boosting its anemic economy.
“We need to completely cut taxes for individual earning $1,000,000 or more a year, and eliminate all taxes on corporations. We cannot continue penalizing the people who bring jobs to America and the corporations who hire the American workers to protect their profits.”
Kinklemist believes his plan will have immediate results. “Millionaires will have to hire more Brinks truck drivers to haul around their cash. They’ll need small armies of forklift drivers to handle the crates of cash they’ll hoard. And, it will be a boon for companies that manufacture safes. The economic impact of this trickle down will be powerful. And corporations will also need to hire more accountants to keep track of the offshore factories and expenses building cheap products for Americans to buy. Corporations will also need more lobbyists and lawyers to keep an eye on their skyrocketing profits. The fact of the matter is, taxes are a drain on profits and it’s just not American. If we eliminate all taxes on the rich and corporations and contain it with the lower classes– where it belongs– we could really goose this economy!”
When asked about how lost tax revenue might affect public services like education, roads, environmental protection, healthcare, national defense, social services and others, Rep. Kinklemist testily responded, “Millionaires and corporations don’t need a socialist state if they can enjoy free range capitalism.”