Embedded The Lint Screen reporters say the following exchange took place in a love nest the couple shared following their wedding ceremony.
(CAST: Prince William–PW, Kate Middleton–KM)
PW: I say, my angel-love, these crumpets are quite lovely. Each morsel is absolutely divine. Heavenly, I must say!
KM: Enough of your incessant chatter, you twit, I can’t take it any longer! Could you possibly be quiet for just one moment, or do you never tire of hearing your incessant blathering?!
PW: My word, lovee, whatever is it? Are you feeling out of sorts?
KM: Out of sorts?! Oh, that’s rich! Me, out of sorts. (Affecting a Cockney accent) Shall I polish your silver, guv’nor. Do the family jewels need attending to? How might I be of service to you, m’lord?!
PW: Good heavens, Katie-wait-waits, whatever has you on edge?
KM: Are the cameras off, then, Billy-boy? Am I done with the pageantry blushing bride business? Might I finally let my knickers down, then?
PW: Please, Kate, there’s no need for courseness.
KM: Enough. I cannot, I will not be trapped like this. I want to be free! I want to soar, I want to live, I want to dance! I want to laugh by the moonlight and kiss the sunrise! I want to feel cool mud between my toes and bask in the warmth of a dead moose carcass…
PW: What was that, dear? I was texting Henry and I’m afraid I missed what you just said…
KM: Then hear this– I’m done!
(SFX: Smashing glassware, frustrated female screams and subdued sounds of a man sobbing uncontrollably.)
Royal watchers are concerned for where this marriage may be heading. Others report it is typical to begin a healthy marriage with a healthy row, followed by decades of suppressed anger and festering rage.
Time will tell.