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Obama To Rename More U.S. Landmarks
President Barack Obama is on a roll. After announcing his plan to change the name of Alaska’s Mt. McKinley to Mt. Denali, The Lint Screen has learned he has other name changes he’ll soon put in place. The Washington Monument will soon be renamed Pointy Cement Skyscraper. The Statue of Liberty will carry the moniker…
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Putin Wins Gold Medal
Rooskie #1, Vladimir Putin, has scored a first for world leaders by snagging the first gold medal at the Sochi Olympic Games. “I defy anyone to find another country’s president who ever won any medal in Olympics history,” said a beaming Putin as he wore his gold medal on his bare chest with erect nipples…
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Mr. Tuggles Off & Running
The next president of the United States may use a litter box if some exuberant voters have their way. Mr Tuggles, the adorable kitten from Canfield, Ohio, is officially a candidate in the 2012 presidential race! “The people have spoken,” said campaign manager Jerry Ossenwold, “and they have spoken for cuteness over ugly politics as…
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Palin Courting Meatloaf Vote
Although she has not officially declared her candidacy for President, or her intent in serving the remainder of her term as Alaska governor, Sarah Palin is reportedly actively seeking support from rock star/reality show megastar Meatloaf (real name: Hamburger Loafenz).
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Supreme Mud Slinging
This election season is unbearably tragic. Thanks to the U.S. Supreme Court’s boneheaded ‘Citizen United’ decision earlier this year, corporations, unions, rich fatcats and special interest groups can dump untold fortunes into political campaigns and causes. And, they can do so under the cloak of secrecy with fake organizational names like The Coalition For Freedom…
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Resolutions Fail, Government Blamed
“I swore I was going to drop 140 pounds,” said 295 pound Paul Obsurlk of Destin, Florida, “but I stepped on the scale today and I’ve gained three pounds. It’s just not right and I blame Obama!”