Entries tagged with “Steve Bannon”.


Disgraced bloated racist comes begging at The Lint Screen.

The global offices of The Lint Screen were swarmed today by tens of thousands of angry protestors upset because the internationally renowned publication had interviewed unemployed Steve Bannon.

The tarnished former presidential advisor was foolishly hoping to get hired at The Lint Screen, a popular website known worldwide as “Where fake news gets real.”

“The editor felt sorry for Bannon,” an unnamed TLS staffer told this intrepid TLS reporter. “First, poor Steve got booted from the White House. Then, he got the bum’s rush out of Trump’s army of suck-ups. And now, Breitbart has thrown him to the curb like a spent Mickey’s Malt Liquor bottle. The guy’s as popular as herpes at the prom.”

“Bannon needs to stay the hell away,” said Peter Cessputin, a longtime TLS reader, and avid fan. “I like my Lint untainted, and Bannon, well, he’s nothing but a huge taint.”

“Breitbart is a joke,” said Paris Frunkey wearing an “I LOVE LINT” tee shirt. “Bannon’s slipshod journalism may fly over there, but The Lint Screen has a much higher standard.”

The Lint Screen security staff tried for hours to disperse the agitated crowd, then called The National Guard. Its soldiers used tear gas, rubber bullets, and nightsticks upside protestor noggins to scatter the mob and restore order.

And that, dear reader, is how you’re able to read this timely dispatch.

TLS forever! Mr. Bannon, we’ve heard McDonald’s is hiring–– make some deliveries to The White House and that may get you back in the president’s good graces.

Mental giant on the world stage is also a creative genius.

President Donald J. Trump is proud of his new nickname for Steve Bannon–– “Sloppy Steve”–– but a dumpster dive at The White House by The Lint Screen reveals some other names that were in the running.

What follows is a list of rejected Bannon nicknames created by the man known worldwide for his sanity and his smarts! The list was on six crumpled sheets of presidential letterhead found in a trash bag from the West Wing (pages had ketchup stains attesting their authenticity).

— Sloppy Bannon
— Trash Bannon
— Stevie Junk
— Not Too Tidy Steven
— Stevie Pig Pen, Like In Charlie Brown
— Charlie Brown
— Snoopy
— Cute dog in a comic strip
— Steve Pigsty
— Little Steven
— The Boss, wait, I’m the Boss!
— Crooked Steve (note: CHECK AND SEE IF I’VE USED ‘CROOKED’ FOR ANYONE)
— Stubble Steve
— Won’t Shave Bannon
— Never Knew A Close Shave Steve
— No Razors Steve
— Whiskers McGee
— Dresses in Layers Bannon
— Two Shirts Steve
— Breit-fart Bannon
— Loose Lips
— Mr. Big Blabbermouth
— Mr. Can’t Keep A Secret
— That Sloppy Guy in THE ODD COUPLE–– what’s his name, not the neat one, the really sloppy one–– it’ll come to me
— Felix The Cat–– NO, THE OTHER GUY–– THE SLOPPY ONE!
— Oscar Meyer
— The Oscars
— James Madison
— Madison, Wisconsin
— Sloppy joes
— I’m hungry, think I’ll get some Big Macs and Filet of Fishes
— Steve who is sloppy
— Steve sloppy
— Sloppy Steve–- THAT’S IT! PERFECT!!! I AM A GENIUS!!! TIME FOR A HAPPY MEAL!!!!! BIG MACS, FISHIES, SHAKE, FRIES, KETCHUP!!! ME HUNGRY!!!