Entries tagged with “Tom Hanks”.


Wilson when he was a superstar in Tinsel Town.

If your name is Wilson, Hollywood ain’t exactly La La Land singing, dancing and technicolor love-goo!

The handsome volleyball, who co-starred with Tom Hanks in 2000’s blockbuster movie Cast Away, has been on the beach ever since looking for another major motion picture role.

“It’s a damn shame,” Coco Vilsette, Wilson’s agent told The Lint Screen. “Tom Hanks has starred in a billion movies since then, and poor Wilson can’t get arrested in this town. He landed a minor role in a porn film project in Tarzana, and even then, he ended up on the cutting room floor. Apparently, the director didn’t think a charismatic volleyball added to his artistic vision.”

The movie business is notoriously rough on the careers of aspiring actors, but Wilson is in a league all his own.

“Wilson carried Cast Away,” his agent said. “Hanks knew it, Bobbie Zemeckis knew it. Without Wilson’s stellar performance and his ability to memorize lines and sell them with absolute conviction, Hanks would have had no transformative moment. And when Wilson is lost at sea in the film’s climax, well, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. His performance was magic, classic.”

But, after the film did boffo biz, all Wilson’s phone calls were crickets. “Apparently the roles for spherical objects are few and far between. Wilson was up for the lead in The Martian, but he got edged by Matt Damon because Ridley Scott thought he looked better in a space suit. Crap like that happens all the time in this godforsaken town.”

When Tom Hanks was contacted for his comment on his co-star’s dire career plunge, he said, “Wilson? Who’s that?”

Oh, the cruelty of the business that is show!

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Ron Howard delivers the goods in Rush

Ron Howard delivers the goods in Rush

Rush is one of the best movies of the year with one of the worst titles.

No, it doesn’t have Tom Hanks-type big stars in the leading roles (Daniel Brühl and Chris Hemsworth aren’t exactly box office draws), but damn if this isn’t one fine film.

Directed by Ron Howard (you may know him better as Opie Taylor or Richie Cunningham), Rush is the true story of the 1970’s Formula 1 rivalry between James Hunt and Niki Lauda. Hunt (Hemsworth) is the dashing playboy British driver and Lauda (Brühl) is the austere Austrian obsessed with engineering and winning. The story, acting and filmmaking are superb.

Get in your car and drive like hell to the theatre and see this movie. It’s not getting its due at the box office and will be slipping off big screens soon.

Go fast, go big, go now.

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President Jay Leno promises to get higher ratings and more sponsor support-- while having a blast!

In a surprising move, President Barack Obama will soon be replaced by comedian Jay Leno.

Obama has been contending with declining approval ratings recently, and it is hoped Leno can bring back some viewers and sponsor support.

“Jay’s a dynamo,” said Phil Westerkin, an avid TV viewer, “he’s just so funny you can’t help but like him to see what sort of wacky shenanigans he might get into. I about bust a gut every time I see him!”

Obama spokespeople expressed disappointment in the decision. “We were promised four years when we got the presidency,” said a high ranking cabinet official, “we just needed a little more time to build our audience. Our lawyers are checking the contract. We may fight it.”

Obama takes the news hard.

Leno is elated at the news of his appointment. “I’m a pretty lucky guy. I never thought I’d grow up to host the Tonight Show, and shazam, I’m hosting. I never thought I’d become president, but, here I am, President! It’s been a wild, wild ride and I think I can give the people what they want. My first week in office I’m going to book Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Larry the Cable Guy, Senator Harry Reid and musical guest, James Blunt. It’ll be great.”

Obama is rumored to be talking to both Fox and ABC about new shows, possibly being teamed with Conan O’Brien.

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