Tag: Charlie Sheen

  • Sheen To Unleash New Catchphrases

    Linguist, genius, rock star!
    Charlie Sheen made earth-shattering historic news today announcing that he is seeking trademarks on 22 of his popular catchphrases, including “Duh, winning,” “Tiger blood” and “Rock star from Mars.” But this is only half the story.

    Sheen has confided to his inner circle of sycophants and hangers-on that he has a new batch of catchphrases he’ll be unleashing soon, and that once these new phrases take root, he’ll be seeking more trademark protections.

    These soon to released catchphrases include: “Spank the orphan,” “Actuary from Venus,” “Sippin’ nectar from a boot,” “Greasing the marsupial,” “Mail the derringer,” “Kip kip chareesha mikalee,” “Cheese, please,” “Nothing but fishnets,” “Territorial commerce kindredship,” “The vampire wore linen,” and “Woooo, snakey wakes!”

    Experts say Sheen’s aggressive language mixology could change communications forever.

    Whee skinny laptadoo!”

  • Kim Jong Il Weds Vegetable

    The Glorious Leader takes a bride, and it is the best thing that has ever occurred on Planet Earth!
    In a surprising development, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has married a vegetable in a formal state ceremony. The country’s population has been ordered to celebrate joyously.

    In a formal press release issued this morning, it was reported “The Supreme Leader has taken a bride of the utmost virtue and honor. The Father Supreme will now be Groom Generalissimo to a coveted creature who is the center and sole focus of his superbly excellent love and devotion. Our Benevolent Lord will be the most perfect husband ever to this adoring bride, and as an offering to her greatness, he has pledged to never cook her in a pot of boiling water. Truly, no man has ever loved as our Master loves!”

    A cynical state department official said that the move by Kim Jong Il is “a desperate attempt to grab some limelight away from Moammar Gadhafi and Charlie Sheen. The North Korean leader is deadly afraid of not being the craziest person on the planet. This vegetable stunt should get him back in the race.”

    Neither Gadhafi or Sheen could be reached for comment.